Fit-astic!

According to celebrity gossip web site www.dlisted.com, VH1 has selected at least some of the participants for Celebrity Fit Club 4, the show in which B, C and D list stars are humiliated week after week by a panel of nutrition, mental health and fitness professionals. Although it has not been officially confirmed, here is a portion of the rumored list:

Sally Struthers, actress. Best known for her role on All in the Family and for her pleas to help feed the children.

Jennifer Tilly, actress. Academy Award nominee for her role in Woody Allen’s Bullets Over Broadway, which she promptly followed up with her starring role as Bride of Chucky.

Shar Jackson, actress. Recognized most often for being the mother of Kevin Federline’s first two children (that we know of).

Lisa Welchel, actress. Played snooty Blair Warner on The Facts of Life, currently a home-schooling, born-again Christian mom.

Phil Margera, actor. Father of Viva La Bam star Bam Margera and returning participant from Celebrity Fit Club’s second season.

Vince Neil, singer. Lead singer of Motley Crüe and recent subject of VH1 makeover series Reinventing Vince Neil.

Corey Haim, actor. Celebrated for his film work in the 1980s with Corey Feldman and his later attempt to sell his own tooth for cash on eBay.

The judge’s score is…guilty.

Recent Dancing with the Stars participant Master P found himself being judged again on Monday afternoon, appearing in a Los Angeles court room on charges related to gun possession.

Master P (real name - Percy Miller) and his brother, Silkk the Shocker, (real name – Vyshonn Miller) were accused of possessing unregistered weapons, uncovered when the two were stopped by UCLA police this past January. The two rappers were pulled over after officers noticed the car they were driving had no license plates. Upon further inspection, the police discovered two guns in the car, a revolver under the Silkk’s seat and a semiautomatic handgun under Master P’s. Police charged each of the men for carrying unregistered, loaded firearms. Attorneys for the brothers asked the court yesterday to either dismiss or reduce the charges, but both requests were denied. The two were released on bail and will be arraigned on March 13.

I wonder if Dancing with the Stars judges Len Goodman, Carrie Ann Inaba and Bruno Tonioli would have been so quick to criticize and dismiss Master P if they knew what he packing in his car outside the studio. Or maybe that’s why he actually lasted as long as he did…

Deréon derelict.

While some, like Nicky Hilton and Jaime Pressly, had the crowds spellbound at last week’s Magic fashion industry trade show in Las Vegas, others weren’t able to conjure up the same success. Today’s New York Post Page Six reports that the display built for the House of Deréon, the collection developed by Beyoncé Knowles and her mother Tina, had a pretty shaky foundation and some fairly unprofessional craftsmanship. Intended to look like a like villa draped in vines, a source tells Page Six, "It was so cheaply done, the vines were visibly Scotch-taped to the villa.” Ouch. When asked about the booth’s appearance, a representative for the House of Deréon insisted that it was assembled by professionals in the field, also being sure to mention that “It won the contest for best booth in the contemporary area.” Well, at least Beyoncé’s a survivor.

I’ll be there for you…until it suits me to sell you out instead.

Seems Jennifer Aniston has got friends in low places.

Lloyd Groves’ Lowdown column in the New York Daily News reveals that everyone’s favorite friend is the veiled subject of a new paperback book by never-before-heard-of actress Nancy Balbirer called The Underminer: Or, the Best Friend Who Casually Destroys Your Life. Nancy shared excerpts and tales about her “underminer,” reportedly Jennifer, but referred to as “Jane,” in front of a captive audience at an event held at a New York bar over the weekend.

Nancy claims that she and the ex-Mrs.-Brad-Pitt met at an audition for Saturday Night Live, soon after which she began living with Nancy, in her apartment, on a rent-free basis. “Jane”/Jennifer continued to audition, as well as, Nancy says, obsess over her appearance, particularly her nose and her figure. She eventually moved to Los Angeles, lost some substantial weight, had a rhinoplasty and some liposuction, Nancy alleges, then landed the role that made her famous.

The two ex-roomies would cross paths again shortly thereafter. Nancy says she was soon hired for a recurring role on “Jane’s”/Jen’s sitcom, a role from which she was mysteriously fired, but still paid for regardless. Years later, Nancy said she discovered the reason why when a producer pal told her she’d been let go at the request of “Jane”/Jen. They haven’t spoken since.

When Stephen Huvane, Jennifer’s publicist, was asked to comment, he said, “Jennifer does know this woman Nancy, and she did live with her for a little bit, but did not live rent-free. They were never close friends — it was not that kind of relationship." He also firmly denied Nancy’s accusations related to plastic surgery and her supposed firing from Friends. Of the incident, Huvane said, “The girl did try out for a role on 'Friends,' but the girl just didn't get it. The cast doesn't get involved in casting — especially the first year. She just sounds like an opportunist who's using Jennifer to get attention. This is mean-spirited."

Mean-spirited, maybe, but the tale has gotten the attention of Management 360, a production company backed by Warner Brothers…and new Jennifer Aniston boyfriend Vince Vaughn. Can anyone say Derailed?

Rock on.

What happens when you mix Anthrax with Skid Row, Led Zeppelin and the Motor City Madman? You get VH1’s new series SuperGroup, Variety says. The new reality show, still pending a premiere date, will follow Scott Ian, Sebastian Bach, Jason Bonham and Ted Nugent as they live together and work together in Las Vegas. At the end of their two week tour, overseen by heavy metal music mentor Doc McGhee, the foursome will perform a concert at Rain in the Palms Hotel and Casino. What do you think the odds on that actually happening are?

James Van Der Beek gets lucky.

Looks like another kid from Dawson’s Creek will be washing up on network television this fall. James Van Der Beek, who starred on the WB series as the title character, has just been cast in Sex, Power, Love & Politics, a new comedy that will air on CBS, says www.hollywoodreporter.com. The show, which will also feature Ally McBeal’s Jane Krakowski, will focus on a group of thirtysometings who work, play and live near to each other on Capitol Hill.

Despite the silly name, and the casting of Dawson Leery himself, four major networks fought over who would win the rights to this series, most likely since it comes from Greg Malins, a writer-producer known for his work on Friends. When commenting on the show, he said, “It's about four very bright and driven people -- all voted most likely to become President of the United States in high school -- who haven't achieved what they'd hoped to achieve by this point in their lives.” Given his experience with Dawson’s angst-filled monologues about how tumultuous his life was, sounds like James won’t have a problem getting into character.

Just be sure not to confuse this new program with similar-sounding, failed WB series Sex, Love and Secrets. See, that show was about a group of twentysomethings who worked, played and lived near each other in fictional Silver Lake. Totally different.

Oh, Nicky, you’re so fine.

Nicky Hilton so knows she’s not your average Chick, but desperately wants to dress you if you’re one of them.

That’s why on Friday, at the night club Light in Las Vegas’ Bellagio Hotel, she unveiled her newest line of casual wear clothing, a collection she so selflessly named, in her own honor, Nicky Hilton Beverly Hills. As reported by the Associated Press, Nicky describes her latest line as “clothes my friends and I would wear,” also priced for what she claims is substantially less than how much she and her rich gal pals would normally spend on clothes (thanks, Nicky – good to know you’re looking out for me, making it possible for me to put money back in your already-full Louis Vuitton purse).

In addition to being affordable (at least by Hilton standards), Nicky’s designs feature polka dot patterns and pictures of palm trees, the latter of which was one of many things Nicky tried to incorporate from her daily life, a reminder of the view she used to have from the window of her room at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Right…just like your average, everyday Chick.

What is Hasselhoff hiding?

Although he sang, “I’ll be ready, never you fear, forever and always, I’m always here,” in those infamous opening credits on Baywatch, seems like David Hasselhoff didn’t really mean them.

The mastermind who brought the world that infamous red swimsuit and hours of campy dialogue and his wife of 16 years, Pamela Bach, filed for divorce earlier this year, citing that ever-so-popular reason irreconcilable differences. And while the proceedings appeared to be going along rather amicably for the last month or so, that’s no longer the case. According to www.entertainmenttonight.com, Hasselhoff’s soon-to-be-ex wife has been trying to rescue copies of his medical records from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, much to his dismay. While it’s unknown what those records contain, it is known that David doesn’t want her to have them in her possession. His lawyers have contacted Ms. Bach, demanding she withdraw her request at once and cover the almost $4,000 in attorney fees that he’s spending to fight her request if she does not comply.

Hmmm…top-secret medical records? A mystery in the hospital? A couple in the midst of a messy divorce? Sounds like a case for Mitch Buchannon of Baywatch Nights.

Katie cum laude?

Not in the near future. TMZ.com is reporting that years after being accepted, and deferring her admission, to Columbia University in New York, Katie Holmes has finally broken the news to her father that she doesn’t plan to attend. Duh.

Columbia accepted Katie back in 1998, the same year as Dawson’s Creek premiered. To ensure her spot while she worked on the series, Katie’s father put down a $500 non-refundable deposit. Thus, if the show went up the creek without a paddle, Katie would at least be able to pursue a degree at a fine educational institution. But last week, after when it became clear Katie’s days as a non-collegian were a foregone conclusion, her father contacted Columbia’s admissions office, advised them of Katie’s change in plans (in case they hadn’t caught wind of what she’s been up to lately) and requested a refund for his deposit. Of $500. Yes, from almost 10 years ago.

Representatives from Columbia also expressed disbelief at Mr. Holmes’ request, telling TMZ, “What does he not understand about the word ‘non-refundable’?” Probably the same thing I didn’t when I asked movie theater employees to refund my money after paying to see Katie in the movie First Daughter...

Constantine creeps back out.

Does the sight of current American Idol contestant Ace Young make you long for the days of Constantine Maroulis? While it certainly doesn’t for me, I know it does for Paula Abdul and many others, which is why they’ll be relieved to hear that Constantine will soon croon again. A report on www.mtvnews.com says you can look forward to his solo debut this September and, in what we’ve come to expect from the singer, Constantine promises, “The album is going to be super-sexy.”

Of course it will be – Constantine says so. A super-sexy album from a super-sketchy singer. I know I’m in the minority here, but Constantine always reminded me of that guy who hangs out in the corner of the bar, waiting for you to turn your back so he can slip a roofie in your drink. Not quite the kind of guy you’d bring home to your parents, unless, of course your mom was Paula, who wept uncontrollably when he was voted off the show. But I digress…

Despite his “rocker” reputation,” Constantine warns that this album is probably not what fans will be expecting. “It’s a little more pop, and there’s definitely rock, but it also touches on the adult-contemporary side, too…Basically, it’ll have a little bit of everything.” Funny, I thought a little bit of everything from Constantine’s Idol season had already been released, given Carrie Underwood and Bo Bice have been promoting their albums for months. But Constantine’s been much busier than they’ve been – in addition to his solo effort, he’s been part of the Idols Live tour, played with his original band, Pray for the Soul of Betty, and started working on a sitcom based on what we he says has been his very interesting life. Can America vote on that?

Batter up.

Current American Idol contestant Becky O’Donohue may not have hit a home run singing Because the Night this past week, but as far as Maxim Magazine is concerned, she’s batting a thousand.

Some racy photos of Becky and her twin sister Jessie have recently resurfaced on Maxim’s website (www.maximonline.com). Pictures show the sisters wearing an assortment of bikinis, sports jerseys, towels and, um, perspiration promoting Maxim’s online fantasy baseball game two years ago. The website also reveals that neither Becky nor Jessie are inexperienced in the world or reality programming, having appeared on Fear Factor before auditioning/sharing their debatable talents with America on Idol. Puts the meaning of “pitchy” in a whole new light…

Nobu rendezvous.

According to a report from MSNBC’s Scoop column, soon-to-be-divorced Denise Richards is brushing up on the hand she needs to get a Full House. She was spotted at Malibu’s Nobu restaurant, sharing a meal with the sitcom’s stars Bob Saget and John Stamos, the latter whom she allegedly dated several years ago, prior to their marriages to Charlie Sheen and Rebecca Romijn. The source who shared the poop with Scoop reports that “It looked like a set-up date. It looked like they were both focusing on being a good date for each other.” In the midst of eating with Bob Saget and various pals of Denise’s? As Stephanie Tanner would say, “how rude.”

Mischa mouths off.

Doesn’t look like Paris Hilton will be dropping by The OC for another visit this season. Despite a lightning-fast guest spot on season two, the heiress is having a war of the words with show star Mischa Barton. The field of battle? Paris’s knack for ostensibly stealing other people’s boyfriends, particularly ironic given her OC character was trying to do just that.

The newest rivalry is said to have begun when Mischa hooked up with scary-looking Cisco Adler, lead singer of otherwise-unknown band Whitestarr and ex-boyfriend of Paris pal Kimberly Stewart. The Daily Mirror quoted Mischa saying that Paris “seems to hate everyone around her age who is more successful…She does steal people’s boyfriends!” Mischa’s representatives later claimed her statement was in jest and not meant to be taken seriously.

But Paris is burning and, through Elliot Mintz, her own representative, told People Magazine, “I don't even know the girl. I could care less. It seems like she is the one who is trying to stir up a rivalry. I have never said a word about her in my life. But she seems to be spending a lot of time thinking about me." Welcome to the OC, b*&#*h.

She’s coming clean.

Laguna Beach’s Lauren Conrad wants to set the record straight about her romantic relationship with co-star Stephen Colletti. In the March issue of Jane Magazine, LC refutes Kristin’s steadfast accusation that she and Stephen were involved at the same time as when he and Kristin were dating. Rather, LC insists that Stephen and Kristin had actually been broken up for several months before she entered the picture and is adamant that nothing happened before then.

That fact, though, doesn’t stop LC from admitting that she felt somewhat vindicated when she and Stephen finally did hook up. And what girl in that position wouldn’t? She also claims that Kristin had actually cheated on Stephen several times, with one of LC’s own buddies, while dating Stephen, something that obviously added to the bad blood between the two.

Ironically, LC appears not to notice the similarities between that situation and the one she was in with current beau Jason Wahler, who did some cheating of his own – on tape and on screen - with ex-girlfriend and perpetual crier Jessica Smith. When questioned by Jane about the situation, LC says, “When they turned off the camera, I really yelled at him. When he watched it, he was really upset. I made him watch it 10 times, too.”

Wow – that LC sounds like one tough cookie. I don’t know what I’m more surprised about here – the fact that J Wahl, according to LC, appeared to be upset, showing some flicker of emotion other than his usual blank stare or that LC actually believed J Wahl would think it was punishment to make him repeatedly view scenes of himself making out with various Beach babes. This is a guy who, on his own myspace page, lists his first hobby as “girls.” He also mentions that he’d like to meet porn star Jenna Jameson and claims that while he’s currently dating LC, he just ended a relationship with Taylor Cole (Taylor? Alex M.’s best friend Taylor?!?!). What is that they say in Laguna? Don't hate the player, hate the game?

A Lohan low down.

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t want to be a teenage drama queen anymore.

In an interview with Allure Magazine, Lindsay (ironically) whines that she wants to be taken seriously as an actress and no longer wants to be thought of as the young, always-up-for-a-party reveler she’s spent the last several years molding herself into. She tells Allure that “I hate it when people call me a teen queen.”

Ouch – talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Lindsay was a Disney darling back in the day, starring in Freaky Friday, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and Herbie: Fully Loaded. Those were the roles that established her as bonafide box office draw, as well as got her foot in the door for somewhat-more-sophisticated Mean Girls, a description she’s certainly earned with the attitude she expresses in the magazine.

Lindsay also, once again, addresses the rumors surrounding her extreme weight loss and alleged bulimia. While she does admit that she intentionally worked to keep the weight that she lost during her stay in the hospital off after her release because of the praise she received for how she looked, Lindsay also said, “You start to wonder if your friends are your friends because you look a certain way."

Gasp! Lindsay, are you actually suggesting that Paris Hilton became your don’t-blink-or-you’ll-miss-it-BFF simply because of your weight? Should I return my Kitson “Hilton – Lohan” t-shirt at once? And what about her nemesis Nicole Ritchie, whom you once devoured a piece of cake with in front of the paparazzi? Are you saying that your seemingly impenetrable sisterhood was just for show? Because maybe what you need to be taken seriously as an actress is just some lessons from those mean girls on how to act..

Too mad to mambo.

Former 98 Degrees pop star Drew Lachey may not receive any criticism from the judges on Dancing with the Stars, but the producers are a different story. Today’s New York Post Page Six reports that Drew was scheduled to appear on late night sketch comedy show Mad TV, presumably to poke some fun at himself and his hoofing. But at the last minute, he was instructed to take a seat instead. Page Six published an e-mail from the production stating that the powers-that-be “weren’t thrilled with anyone on their shows participating in a parody of any sort.” Um, hi, pot? This is kettle. And you’re black. Master P anyone?

Don’t cha? Nope, not really.

Paris Hilton has recruited Robin Antin, the choreographer behind (no pun intended) risqué dance troupe the Pussycat Dolls, to help her claw her way to the top of pop music superstardom.

While celebrating her 25th birthday at Pure night club in Las Vegas this past weekend, Paris announced that Robin will direct her upcoming music videos and related appearances, an article on www.contactmusic.com claims. The heiress has been working on her album for some time now, although the release date for this musical masterpiece has yet to be revealed. Unlike most things related to Paris.

Baby from the block.

What do Jennifer Lopez and Angelina Jolie have in common? Aside from their roles in breaking up the marriages of their most recent significant others, both have a keen interest in adoption. Or at least they do according to Star Magazine where a “friend” of Jenny from the block’s claims she and greasy husband Marc Anthony are considering adopting a baby together. “J. Lo has wanted to be a mom since she was a little girl,” the source tells Star, adding that, “she used to name all of her baby dolls and play with them for hours on end!”

And what better indicator then a fondness for baby dolls is there of a person’s eagerness to parent? That and the fact that the Star says Mrs. Anthony has already dropped $5,000 on pink and yellow baby clothes at stylish Petit Trésor in Beverly Hills last month. And while the couple has not made any comment publicly about their plans, others are speculating that they’re considering adopting “a Puerto Rican baby, so the child can share its heritage” with mom and dad. Boriqua in the house!

Bedazzling is back! It’s easy, fun and fabulous!

“I made $10,000 in my first two weeks with my first Bedazzler!”

Yup, she’s back. Tana Goertz, the 37-year-old Iowa mom of two, who suffered an embarrassing loss to 26-year-old Kendra Todd on season three of The Apprentice, has found something to pay the bills – hawking the infamous Bedazzler.

Fans of The Apprentice will giddily remember the episode in which the final two teams, led by Tana and Kendra respectively, were told to work with Hanes to design a t-shirt to celebrate 50 years of the t-shirt itself. Each team was provided with a pop culture artist to help them create a unique design and some prime selling real estate at trendy retail boutique Scoop. The winner would be determined based on how much money was brought in from sales of each of their custom t-shirts.

While Kendra and her team focused on marketing their t-shirt as a Romero Britto collectible, Tana and her team focused on ways they could increase the price rather why it would be valuable to own. Enter the Bedazzler, Tana’s solution to this problem. By using this nifty device, for which she and her team wasted countless, valuable hours searching for, Tana believed they could justify an increase in the price their t-shirt. I mean, after all, based on Tana’s extensive Bedazzling experience, who wouldn’t be willing to pay more for a Hanes t-shirt when it’s encrusted with shiny metallic studs and sparkly rhinestones?

Apparently, most people as Tana lost the task and later the job as The Apprentice. But while she didn’t make the mark with the masses, or with the Donald, her dedication to the dazzle must have impressed the big wigs at Bedazzler, who are now using Tana in infomercials and on their web site - www.mybedazzler.com - to push their product. And, according to their marketing efforts, the Bedazzler is simply the hottest craft item in America today, the “today” being significant, as it arguably wasn’t when Tana had to hunt far and wide to find a store in New York that even knew what she was talking about. Too bad Tana couldn’t bedazzle the boardroom…

Martha Stewart Whining.

Martha Stewart wouldn’t be winning any points in the boardroom for being a team player with the comments she recently made in an interview with Newsweek Magazine. The media maven claims too many cooks in the kitchen – not her bitter, unpleasant and generally cold demeanor - led to the failure, and ultimate cancellation, of her version of The Apprentice last fall.

Martha’s recipe for success called for just one helping on The Apprentice, specifically hers and hers alone. And to really get the fire burning for fans of the popular series, Martha also claims she was supposed to kick off her premiere episode by firing original Apprentice overlord Donald Trump himself, something he, as co-owner of both productions, has emphatically denied was ever slated to happen. It was the combination of both versions airing at once, Martha firmly believes, that sealed her show’s eventual fate. In her Newsweek interview, Martha insists that "Having two 'Apprentices' was as unfair to him as it was unfair to me," she said, "But Donald really wanted to stay on."

Right. Last time I checked, Martha, it didn’t seem to do too much damage to the Donald, who issued his own statement to the Associated Press, saying, "I wish she would be able to take responsibility for her failure.” Ouch. Or perhaps more fittingly, as Emeril would say, BAM!

Has Jessica got more juice?

Seems Jessica Simpson may not just have a big head, but also a big mouth. The New York Daily News says that Jess is in discussions to have a sit-down with Diane Sawyer about her marriage to Nick Lachey. Because clearly after watching them on television for the last three years, we might not have been able to see the split coming. While a representative for ABC claims, “Diane has interviewed Jessica in the past and would welcome the opportunity to sit down with her again,” Jess’s publicity-crazy camp surprisingly refutes the story and says she doesn’t have any plans to dish the dirt on her marriage. Which wouldn’t really even be a first, given we all watched how Jessica often evaded anything having to do with dishes or dirt during the course of her three years on Newlyweds…

Townie trouble.

The Real World Seattle’s resident blockhead has gone on a bit of a bender. A story on www.bostonherald.com says that David Burns, best known for sleeping with – then dumping – casting director Kira, was arrested on Friday when police discovered him driving a non-insured car with an expired registration and a suspended license, none of which are okay in the real world. David was arraigned and assigned a court date for later this year.

If you’re interested in catching a glimpse of David before his court appearance, you can watch him competing for the Veterans on MTV’s The Gauntlet 2. Or, if you’re really desperate, you can purchase the “2006 Sexiest Men of Reality TV,” where someone bafflingly considered David’s dopey-looking demeanor endearing enough to grant him the title of Mr. April. Wicked ewh.

This I swear…is gonna cost ‘ya.

Nick Lachey once sang to Jessica Simpson that she was his everything – now he flat out just wants her everything. People Magazine reports that in papers filed Friday in response to Jessica’s divorce petition, Nick has requested spousal support, the return of some unspecified jewelry and a portion of her earnings through December 13. Why December 13? Because according to Nick, that’s the official date of their separation, not November 23 as Jess has claimed – and within those few weeks’ difference, she reportedly raked in close to $1 million in earnings which Nick is partially entitled to under California law.

It’s now in the hands of a judge to determine who is entitled to what, but if Nick gets what he asked for, he’ll be getting a pretty sizable Simpson paycheck. Or, as Jess could choose to think about it, a term inspired by the title of her first album several years ago – a (bitter) Sweet Kiss-off.

Her party is dunzo.

Not even Kristin Cavallari was enough to get the party started…and keep it going, in particular.

For those of you who haven’t noticed, UPN has suspended further broadcasts of the Laguna Beach alum’s Get This Party Started reality show after it premiered to horrific ratings, Media Daily News reports. Meaning if you missed the first two episodes, you may have missed your chance entirely - with the fate of many UPN shows unknown due to the network’s merger with the WB, those few broadcasts could be the last party invite viewers will receive.

I bet Kristin is kicking herself now for turning down that role in the Al Pacino film, 88 Minutes. Even at that length, the movie would have lasted longer than her career as the party hostess with the mostest.

Kid Rock’s hard with Scott Stapp.

How could someone so self-righteous go so wrong? Scott Stapp must be asking himself the same thing in light of a sexually-explicit video recently acquired by Red Light District, the very same party responsible for bringing One Night in Paris to the public. In addition to featuring the preachy, religious rocker in some unquestionably non-Christian behavior, the tape also features Kid Rock.

This week’s issue of US Weekly states the tape was made approximately six years ago, when Creed was touring with Kid Rock and his entourage. Both singers are shown receiving various sexual favors and heard discussing them as they are happening. In a statement, the president of Red Light District said, “We haven't decided exactly what we are doing with it but our goal is to release it towards the middle or end of this year.” Let’s hope it’s around the holidays, because a video full of ho, ho, ho’s would be pretty appropriate for a Stapp family Christmas.

How to dress like a porn star.

Adult film star Jenna Jameson wants to dress you up. And not in the kinky way you’re probably already envisioning. New York Magazine’s February 20th issue reports that Jenna was camped out at Fashion Week earlier this month, paying close attention to what’s hot and what’s not in preparation for the fashion line she plans to launch later this year. But if you’re expecting a collection of racy costumes like those she wears in her movies, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Jenna plans to produce clothing for everyday wear, for the everyday woman, based on her own experience finding things to fit her proportionally-unique figure. “I have pretty much everything tailored because I wear a size zero, but I’m like a size 10 in the chest,” Jenna states in the magazine. Yeah...because that's the problem that most women face when shopping...

Holy costume!

If you’ve got $100,000 and a penchant for wearing latex, you just might get lucky.

Profiles in History, an auction house in Los Angeles, has announced they intend to sell the Batman costume worn by George Clooney in the 1997 bomb Batman and Robin, according to Reuters. George’s three Oscar nominations, the auction house believes, will dramatically increase the worth, and the interest, in the Batman body suit.

In addition to the actual suit itself, the winner of the auction will also be come the proud owner of several nifty Batsuit accessories, including a matching cape, bat ears, a belt to hold Bat-weapons and, of course, Bat-nipples. Yes, Bat-nipples. How these helped Batman keep Gotham, or himself safe, I have no idea – clearly, they weren’t powerful enough to prevent the movie from becoming a box-office flop.

Sidekick Robin available separately.

Cold as ice.

Kristy Swanson, the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer, has driven a stake into the marriage of figure skater Lloyd Eisler and his probably-soon-to-be-ex-wife Marcia. Various media outlets are reporting that the actress and the Olympian, paired together on television’s Skating with Celebrities, are having an affair.

While Kristy and Lloyd publicly claim things didn’t heat up off the ice until after filming was completed in November, Lloyd’s wife remembers differently. As reported on www.bostonherald.com, Marcia had suspicions about the affair when Skating first started filming over the summer. She and Lloyd had recently separated and, during a visit to the set, Marcia noticed the chemistry between her husband and the Big Daddy babe.

In a selfless move, classy Kristy did what she could to put that uncertainty to rest, forwarding Marcia some revealing e-mails that Lloyd had sent her, professing his love and admiration for one of Lifetime channel’s favorite leading ladies. Marcia confronted him, kicked him out of their house and later, according to the article, made the statement, “I guess he and Kristy deserve each other.”

Although the Eisler marriage has concluded, be sure to catch the finale of Skating with Celebrities, broadcasting on March 2.

Mario materializes.

First Brian Dunkleman resurfaces, now Mario Vasquez. The former American Idol contestant who famously quit the contest after being selected as one of the top 12 finalists in season four will release his debut album in March, People Magazine reports. When asked to describe what listeners will hear, Mario says, “"It's a mix of what I've grown up listening to. It's a bit of Latin, a bit of R&B and soul, old Motown, but reinvented for now."

Let’s just hope it’s also not a bit pitchy, a favorite Idol description from Mario’s season. And being the model contestant he was, Mario is also quick to offer some words of wisdom to this season’s contenders, recommending that despite what he himself did, they should "stay on the show as long as you can. Its 35 million viewers every week. Take advantage of that." You oughta know, Mario.

War games.

Think that between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline that she’s the worst parent? Think again. While his wife spent part of her Valentine’s Day yesterday visiting an urgent care clinic in Malibu, Kevin spent the day with his buddies and their guns. Not the working out guns, but the actual, dangerous, Dick Cheney-like guns. A report on www.TMZ.com claims that K-Fed and at least six others spent several hours (yes, hours) yesterday outside a residential Studio City apartment complex, where they shot off air guns filled with what appeared to be rubber capsules. And, since in this sport Kevin’s aim isn’t as quite what it seems to have been in the bedroom, he and his funky bunch managed to hit both nearby cars and buildings in addition to their supposedly-intended targets (no confirmation as to what these targets actually were), despite visibly irritated residents who live in the complex that was under siege.

The best part of this story? The Fedster and friends were also dressed to kill, complete with fatigues, camouflage and some even wearing masks. Because, you know, it would be bad to call attention to yourself in times of battle. Good thing Kevin was kept under cover by wearing a beanie.

Cruise control.

Life and Style Weekly broke hearts everywhere yesterday when they announced that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had ended their whirlwind relationship. The magazine story claims that despite the break up, the two would continue to act as a couple for the sake of the media, but stay in separate bedrooms of their Beverly Hills mansion until the birth of their baby. At that point, they would publicize their split and Katie would be installed in a place of her own, close enough to Tom so that he could freely visit their child.

When news of this article reached Tom and Katie, the couple immediately went into denial mode, issuing their own statement to the contrary. Publicist Arnold Robinson said, “It should be known that the story is 100 percent false. Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes are still engaged and are moving forward with their wedding plans, as well as planning for the arrival of their child.” And if that official denial isn’t enough to convince you of the couple’s solidarity, take it from an unnamed Holmes family friend, as reported in Star Magazine, who says “there is no ‘buzz’ whatsoever in Toledo” (which is where Katie is from) about the break up (now that’s a reliable source).

Well, what a relief. Because they’ve been through so much together that you’d just hate to see things end. A romantic proposal just months after their initial meeting, a pregnancy shortly thereafter - the odds are so in their favor that things are on the right path between the 43-year-old twice divorced actor and the 27-year-old bride-to-be…

She thinks it’s hot, the public might not.

Paris Hilton thinks her still-to-be-released album is hot.

How surprising. What exactly isn’t hot in Paris’ opinion? Especially when has something to do with her. Today’s MSNBC Scoop column contains excerpts from an interview the heiress reportedly had with Star Magazine (publicity-machine Paris really will talk to anyone!). In the issue about to hit newsstands, Paris talks about writing songs, preparing to shoot a video and the reaction she anticipates she’ll get from the public when they hear her music. She says, “People will trash [the still unnamed album] because it’s me, but once they listen, they’ll be shocked.”

More shocked than when your "home" movie was released? Or more shocked than when you got engaged and, later, dis-engaged? Or could I be even more shocked than when transcripts of your recent courtroom depositions revealed that you’re quite possibly the most clueless person on earth?

All in all, Paris tells the Star that she’s pleased with how her debut turned out. “It’s been a long, hard process getting this CD together,” she says. Funny, you’d think Paris would have been used to things long and hard...now I'm shocked.

Love note.

What better way to celebrate Valentine’s Day than with a tender tune from Ashley Parker Angel. The song Let U Go, Ashley’s first single as a solo artist, will officially hit radio airwaves today, two months before his album is tentatively scheduled for release.

In addition to starring in There and Back, Ashley has supposedly been doing a promotional radio tour on the east coast. While his web site – www.ashleyparkerangel.com – has yet to be updated with any significant information, his myspace page claims he’s visited Washington, DC, Delaware, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey and Connecticut spreading the love and the single, neither of which I felt given I live in one of those locations and have yet to find any evidence of said event. Because baby, I would.

What have you done today to make you feel proud? If this is it, you should try harder.

The Biggest Loser’s Matt Hoover and Suzy Preston, who lost a combined 289 pounds and found love with each other, will soon flex their acting muscles on NBC’s soap opera Passions, www.realityblurred.com reveals. The two will play a couple taking a leisurely walk through heavenly Harmony, where the daytime drama is set. You can catch Matt and Suzy’s unnecessary cameo on Thursday, March 16.

Not to be outdone by NBC’s Loser coup (if you want to call it that), CBS has announced that Mario Lopez – that’s right, A.C. Slater – will join the cast of The Bold and the Beautiful. He’ll play a character named Dr. Christian Ramirez, the younger brother of Lorenzo Lamas’ character Hector. While this role will be Mario’s first foray into the world of daytime drama, he been busy the last few years hosting various television series’ including Name Your Own Adventure, The Other Half and Pet Star (where I really think he did his best work since the Saved by the Bell episode where Slater’s lizard died). Cross your fingers that Dr. Ramirez will be as adept at identifying symptoms requiring medical attention as the gang at Bayside High was– remember how quickly they intervened when Jessie Spano was on drugs?

Britney heads to the bash.

Hurricane Katrina will inevitably seem like nothing when Louisiana native Britney Spears returns to help celebrate this year’s Mardi Gras. In a statement released earlier today, Britney said, "I am honored to be a part of the Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans this year. It is so important for this amazing city to continue its annual traditions and I am really looking forward to being involved." On February 28, she’ll join the crew of Good Morning America on ABC when they broadcast live from the festivities.

But don’t think the only thing Britney’s bringing her penchant for partying (and probably her loser husband) – ABC promises that she’ll also be delivering “surprises for a group of very deserving young residents.” Does K-Fed have children there, too?

Now I know I’ve got to take control.

Hot on the heels of my earlier post regarding Janet Jackson comes more news about the, ahem, larger-than-life singer. Refuting an earlier claim by boyfriend Jermaine Dupri that a movie role was the reason Janet has packed on the pounds, today’s Page Six in The New York Post alleges that it’s really because she’s spent the last few years finding comfort in cuisine. Janet’s experienced more than her share of bad publicity as of late - a scandalous Super Bowl halftime show, the disappointing reception from her fans to her last album, Damita Jo, and brother Michael’s child molestation court battles. And according to sources, it was all this stress that lead to all that stuffing.

And if those events weren’t enough to drive a girl to gobble, Virgin Records, Janet’s distributor, have given her another one – it’s rumored that they’ve refused to release her upcoming album this September unless Janet regains her old figure...or at least one that resembles it. The same source who commented on Janet’s weight to Page Six also says, “This new album is supposed to be pretty good, but Virgin feels it can't market it without Janet being back in fighting form….she has to lose at least 20 pounds.” To help her accomplish this goal, Virgin has put her on a diet and hired a personal trainer to get her back into shape. Kinda gives new meaning to the phrase “singing for your supper,” doesn’t it?

Scott Stapp gets stopped.

What a way to kick off a honeymoon. Just 24 hours after his marriage to Jaclyn Nesheiwat, a former Miss New York, ex-Creed singer Scott Stapp was arrested. A report on TMZ.com claims that the singer was stopped when trying to board a flight on Saturday night at Los Angeles International Airport. Those who witnessed the incident, according to TMZ’s report, say he was “antagonistic, boisterous and pissed off.” Needless to say, employees at the gate refused to let him get on the plane. Police stepped in shortly thereafter.

Still unruly and determined to prove his sobriety, Scott demanded the police administer a blood-alcohol test, a request for which they (probably giddily) complied. Scott’s blood-alcohol reading was a 0.18, an amount that’s twice the legal limit for the state of California. As expected, Scott was charged with being drunk in a public place and will be arraigned on March 8.

No word on where the Scott’s new bride was during the time of this event, epitomizing of one of his better known Creed song lyrics, “When you are with me, I’m free…I’m careless, I believe.” Yes, believe you are free to be a belligerent, drunken fool. Congratulations, Mrs. Stapp.

Who’s that eating that nasty food?

Janet Jackson’s boyfriend and music producer Jermaine Dupri has revealed that her next album will be called 20 Years Old. In an interview with The New York Times, Jermaine claims the couple is already working hard in the studio to create an album as powerful as her Control one was approximately 20 years old (hence, the album title). No word yet on a release date.

When questioned about Janet’s substantially fuller figure, Jermaine claims it’s not due to all the reasons that the tabloids have been speculating about (um, eating more than normal and not working out?), but that she gained additional weight for a role in the independent movie Deep South, a production that is now defunct. Much like her former figure, I might add…

Might as well jump. Jump!

Rock Star: The Series will reportedly try to do the one thing that Van Halen has been unable to do since 1998 – find them a successful lead singer. Despite denials in the past that Van Halen would not appear on the show, TMZ.com reports that representatives for the band have stopped refuting the rumors, but are now simply refusing to answer any questions related to them, prompting many to wonder if Van Halen has changed their mind.

Van Halen has been helmed by three different lead singers during their 20+ years together – David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar and Gary Cherone. Their most recent album, The Best of Both Worlds, was released in 2004 and, while it did contain a few new tracks, the majority was a compilation of previous works. Their last tour took place that same year.

Always the master of secrecy, Rock Star producer/mastermind Mark Burnett is not commenting on the rumors swirling around Van Halen. The show, though, is currently accepting applications and has auditions scheduled around the country. Gary Cherone, you need not apply.

All these Pavarottis followin' me.

Shar Jackson, the ex-girlfriend and mother of Kevin Federline’s other children, is speaking out about Britney’s recent baby seat boo-boo. More specifically, in an interview with Star Magazine, Shar says, “'What was that b***h thinking? Is she crazy? What kind of mother is Britney?'" Um, one married to the father of two of your four children, so I think it’s fairly obvious that both Britney and Shar are missing the good judgment gene right off the bat.

Shar also claims that Britney’s rash decision to drive with baby Sean on her lap, undeniably a bad one, gives her reason to believe that Britney isn’t trustworthy enough to take care of Kori and Kaleb, Kevin’s kids who visit with the Federlines often on the weekends. A source close to Shar reveals that “She's been trying to get Kevin on the phone and tell him he has to sit Britney down and tell her this should never happen again. If Shar doesn't get that kind of assurance, she is going to think twice before she ever allows Kori and Kaleb to stay with him and Britney again.”

Right, Shar. Because you’ve been the model mom, a single parent at age 17, now with four children. Careerwise, you’re still best known for your role as sassy Niecy on the UPN series Moesha, a show that ended its run over ten years ago. And if people don’t recognize you from that, they definitely know you as the woman who procreated not just once, but twice with the ultra-questionable K-Fed. Looks to me like Britney’s not the only one who could benefit from thinking twice before doing something these days…

Think before you ink.

This week’s People Magazine includes a picture of Dean McDermott’s (that’s Tori Spelling’s most recent fiancé, for those of you not in the know) new tattoo – four words, emblazoned on the inside his wrist, that read “Truly Madly Deeply Tori.” And despite how much he claims it hurt to have done, plans for a second one – a picture of Tori herself on his tricep – are in the works. Fortunately, Dean claims “it’s worth it.”

One could argue that he’s “Truly Madly Deeply” many other things aside from Tori – like “Truly Madly Deeply” out of his mind for making such permanent declarations of devotion all over his body (Tori, for her part, will have Dean’s name tattooed on her lower back). Both he and Tori were involved – freakin’ married! – to other people when they met and claimed to have fallen in love. So much for the “Truly Madly Deeply” vows they both took with their significant others, now in the midst of divorce proceedings and custody arrangements.

How “Truly Madly Deeply” trashy.

He's going back to Cali.

Anyone remember Colin from The Real World Hawaii? He’s certainly spent the last few years trying (unsuccessfully) to make sure you do. After the M.Y.O.B. television pilot he appeared on years ago wasn’t picked up, Colin published the book A New Ladies’ Man: A Complete Guide to Getting, Pleasing and Keeping the Girl (right…because that worked out for you so well when you and Amaya hooked up). Since he failed to reach the best seller list, it appears Colin’s putting his energy toward charity work instead. The website www.realworldroadrules.blogspot.com reports that this summer, Colin will partake in Bike Across America, where participants will bike cross country, from Virginia to California, to raise funds for those affected by Hurricane Katrina. Of course, we wouldn’t want this charitable effort to go unnoticed, so Colin and his hangers-on will film their very own documentary on their journey to the West Coast. Think it could possibly be more entertaining that roomie Teck’s turn in Van Wilder?

She’s so dunzo with, like, fur.

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have recruited Laguna Beach’s Kristin Cavallari for their latest anti-fur campaign. According to PETA’s web site, the cause and celeb recently met at PETA's 25th Anniversary Gala and Humanitarian Awards show, where they bonded over their love for everyone’s favorite furry friends (J Wahl not included). Shortly after, Kristin agreed to pose for PETA and help shed some light on the facts about the fur trade. Her public service announcement with Gracie the bunny and the tag line “Try Telling Him It’s Just a Little Trim: Say ‘No’ to Fur” will be unveiled shortly.

Visit PETA’s web site at http://www.peta2.com/OUTTHERE/o-kristinfurpsa.asp to take a sneak peek at Kristin’s PSA (because I’m sure, between being on the cover of Teen People, starring in Get This Party Started and attending New York Fashion Week, you might have missed her) . And while you’re there, you can also vote for which Laguna Beach cast member you’d like to see fighting back against fur next – your choices include Jason, Jessica, LC, Talan or all four. My vote’s for all four because what better way is there to exemplify PETA’s various causes then to pair MTV’s own party animals with real ones that might also be endangered or soon extinct?

Neve’s nuptial news.

Now she can make it a party of two. Neve Campbell, who played Julia Salinger on Party of Five and perpetual victim Sidney Prescott in the Scream trilogy, is engaged according to People Magazine. John Light, himself also supposedly an actor, asked for her hand in marriage by not only getting down on one knee, but also by reciting some choice words by William Shakespeare. The two have yet to decide when the big day will take place.

Neve has spent the years since the Party’s over working on various independent films, including The Company and Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical. Her fiancé has kept busy on the small screen, with notable roles in highly-regarded Dracula II: Ascension and The Prophesy: Forsaken. The two will share screen time in the upcoming film Partition, described by www.imdb.com as a love story that takes place amidst a setting of political and spiritual turmoil. Wait…is this taking place in the Salinger household?

Run, Katie, run.

If Katie Holmes hasn’t panicked about her future as Mrs. Tom Cruise before, she certainly should start to now. According to a report by MSNBC’s The Scoop, Tom allegedly feels that Katie needs to take some significant time off from her career and devote all of her time and energy to their coming attraction, baby TomKitten. Which might sound okay, when it’s phrased in a sincere manner – spend some time out of the spotlight, dedicate yourself to raising your first child together. But it doesn’t sound so idyllic when a source in the upcoming issue of Life and Style Magazine claims Tom has said, “I’ve got Katie tucked away, so no one will get to us until my child is born – and until I want them to.”

“Tucked away?” What? Why? It’s obvious by his behavior over the last year that Tom has a good case of the crazies, but this is even more extreme than the couch-jumping and the exceedingly-uncomfortable pictures of the two of them kissing for photographers. And while I don’t necessarily think that Katie not making movies will be a huge loss (hello, anyone remember Teaching Mrs. Tingle or The Gift?), I wouldn’t banish her to what I’m guessing is some scary scientology compound where there are probably no prescription drugs and Battlefield Earth is shown non-stop.

Representatives for Tom Cruise deny this story entirely. Representatives for Katie Holmes apparently had no comment. Or could not be located. Tucked away, perhaps

CaNick?

Ohh, snap! Life and Style Magazine plans to report that Nick Lachey recently got up close and personal with soon-to-be-ex-wife Jessica’s best buddy and personal assistant CaCee Cobb.

The incident supposedly happened at LA’s Level 3 nightclub where Nick and CaCee both were. A witness and fellow clubber tells the magazine that “the two were all over each other” and that although the hook up only lasted a few minutes, “they were flirting the entire night.” Life and Style reports that Jessica was distraught when she heard what happened, telling another friend that “I just can’t see her doing this,” in reference to CaCee’s betrayal. When contacted about the story, Nick’s camp issued a firm denial, stating that "Nick and CaCee are friends, that's it.”

You know what they say – there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Or is that chicken?

Wild thing.

Girls Gone Wild! mastermind Joe Francis can sleep easy again tonight. The New York Post’s Page Six reports Darnell Riley has been sentenced to almost 11 years in prison for illegally entering Francis’s home, tying him up, videotaping him in graphic positions and attempting to extort $500,000 from him in exchange for not broadcasting the footage. Police were able to track down Riley due to a tip they received from – gasp! – Paris Hilton, of all people. The heiress had evidently overheard Riley having a conversation where he gloated about the burglary, which she promptly shared with authorities. Combined with the fingerprints he left on the tape used to bind Francis, as well as unedited Girls Gone Wild! footage found in his possession, the police were able to convict Riley.

Francis has produced more than 80 different Girls Gone Wild! titles and his empire is reportedly worth millions of dollars. The footage that Riley took of him would have been Francis’ first foray into an entirely new genre, one by which, I imagine, might have made some of his regretful GGW! stars gleeful with delight - Girls Gone Wild: Karma!

Dunkleman: In!

He’s back! After taking Ryan Seacrest’s “out!” instruction too literally after just one season of American Idol,. co-host Brian Dunkleman has resurfaced. He’s part of www.idolgohome.com, a new web site where fans can essentially participate in "Fantasy Idol," selecting the contestants they think are the most likely to win and predicting how the season unravel go as the weeks go on. And while online contestants won’t win a recording contract or fun-to-watch scorn and ridicule from Simon, available prizes do include a Hollywood vacation, a Dell Inspiron laptop computer, an Xbox 360 and more. Brian will share his own predictions and observations on what’s happening this season on his own blog, also housed on the web site.

So what does Brian have to say about the season so far, you ask? Not too much. On a posting dated February 6, he tells visitors that he actually chose to leave AI to pursue a career in non-television hosting work. I find this hard to believe, given he always seemed so bitter about his AI experience when questioned, but whatever dunks your donut. The Dunkster promises, though, that he will provide his “unique, insider’s view on all the hijinks that occur” this season. Again, I find Brian’s self-imposed “expert” title a bit of a stretch – how do you consider yourself an insider when the show has gone on for the last four years without you? What could he possibly be privy to that is different than all the other AI watchers out there? Other than what season one contenders Justin Guarini and Nikki McKibbin are up to, given how easy it probably is to get access to them these days.

Registration is free and bets will be accepted starting on Wednesday, February 15. JT, out!

Tric-ed out.

One Tree Hill’s Peyton Sawyer has had a rough few years. First, she and Nathan break up. Then, she and Lucas can’t seem to get together. Jake leaves town, she experiments with drugs and loses her recently-reunited-with biological birth mother to breast cancer. This girl just can’t seem to catch a break.

Until February 15th, that is, when Grammy-nominated Fall Out Boy will inevitably lose some of their hard-earned street cred. According to MTV News, the alternative fave will guest-star on the show, playing a benefit concert, at the request of our poor Peyton, at local Tree Hill hang out Tric. Sugar, they’re going down.

Stronger than yesterday.

The paparazzi is driving Britney Spears crazy. Or so it might appear given a sighting of her on Monday, holding baby Sean Preston, as her bodyguard drove, instead of securely strapping him into his car seat.

The incident in question took place at a Malibu Starbucks, where Britney and one of her bodyguards stopped for a drink. Britney and baby Sean stayed in the car while her companion went inside. While he was gone, and the car parked, Britney held her baby in her lap. It was at this point when nearby photographers reportedly surrounded the car in a somewhat, according to Britney, pushy, forceful manner. When her bodyguard returned to the car, the two drove off, with Britney still holding Sean in plain view of photographers.

When questioned about the incident, and her lack of judgment when it comes to her son’s safety, Britney released the following statement to People Magazine:

"Today I had a horrifying, frightful encounter with the paparazzi while I was with my baby. Because of a recent incident when I was trapped in my car without my baby by a throng of paparazzi, I was terrified that this time the physically aggressive paparazzi would put both me and my baby in danger. I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm's way, but the paparazzi continued to stalk us, and took photos of us which were sold to the media. I love my child and would do anything to protect him."

Right. Because staying with Kevin Federline will do wonders for this child down the road. Assuming, of course, K-Fed is still there…

Stop. Collaborate and listen!

Ever wish for a mash up between MTV’s The Gauntlet and VH1’s The Surreal Life? Probably not, but if for some reason you did, you’ll be happy to hear what’s in store for you this summer. Today’s Variety reports past participants from The Surreal Life will start filming The Surreal Life: Fame Games in March, pitting cast members from various seasons against each other in a series challenges to compete for a $100,000 prize. While not as glamorous as Jonny Moseley or TJ Lavin, the show will be hosted by Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous authority Robin Leach.

While not all of your favorite cast members will be returning, VH1 has confirmed that Ron Jeremy, Vanilla Ice, Emmanuel Lewis, Brigette Nielson, Chyna Doll, Sandra Denton (“Pepa” of “Salt ‘N Pepa”) and Tracy Bingham will be among those competing. Poison’s CC DeVille, who just completed filming the sixth season of The Surreal Life, has also signed on to participate. Ideas for the some of the challenges currently being considered include "Red Carpet Fashion Showdown," "Paparazzi Hide-and-Seek," "Hotel Room Trash-a-thon" and "What's Charo Saying?"

Vanilla Ice and CC DeVille? Together? Don’t mean nothin’ but a good time. How can I resist?

Mohr/Cox news (hee, hee, hee)

For those of you who thought she’d stay Unhappily Ever After, you can stop worrying about Nikki Cox. The star of one of the worst shows ever on the WB and real-life alter ego of Mary Connell on significantly-better Las Vegas has gotten engaged to Jerry Maguire nemesis/comedian Jay Mohr, Entertainment Tonight’s Marc Malkin reports.

Prior to hooking up with Jay, Nikki was engaged to Bobcat Goldthwait, her co-star (he voiced Mr. Floppy, the bunny) on Unhappily. Jay is recently divorced from Nicole Chamberlain, herself supposedly an actress starring in a one-woman show called Next. The two plan to be married by the end of 2007. No word on whether the big day will take part at the Montecito.

It’s just the special sauce talking.

Ashlee Simpson has no friends. Or so she whines to Seventeen Magazine in the March issue, where she appears on the cover. Ash tells Seventeen that finding people she can trust is hard, given so many people out there just want to get to her so they can sell tales to the tabloids – after all, she’s been burned by that before, simply by being at the wrong place at the wrong time. For example, her behavior in a Toronto area McDonald’s, where Ashlee was taped last November, refusing to take a picture with a fan unless he kissed her feet, wasn’t what it appeared to be, she explains. She tells Seventeen that "I was being a little, you know, silly and crazy that day." Or drunk, Ashlee, which is generally the case when you have a Mac Attack at 1:30 in the morning after spending the hours leading it up it at various local bars. Ash also says that although she didn’t realize she was being taped, the footage that made the rounds on the Internet was definitely a result of some creative editing and not a true representation of what happened. Sure…you didn’t crawl on the counter top, spurt obscenities at employees and other customers, then announce, as you were being dragged out by your friends, that “things are going wrong up here.” Understatement of the year. Can I get some fries with that?

Saturday night’s alright for fighting. Even at a funeral.

In typical Penn family fashion, even a funeral is a good time for a fight.

TMZ.com reports that Sean Penn had a confrontation with a local photographer at the funeral for his brother Chris. While no details as to what caused the skirmish have been released, we do know that we’ll need to contact actor Mark Ruffalo for the pictures, as he, inexplicably, stepped in and took the memory stick from the photographer’s camera. Yes, Mark Ruffalo, co-star of 13 Going on 30, Just Like Heaven and Rumor Has It. Why the man felt the need to get involved in the fracas, or was even at the funeral, is also under investigation.

He bangs, he bangs.

Mark your calendars for March 21 when Bravo will premiere the third season of Blow Out, the reality series that follows hairdresser to the stars and super-ego maniac Jonathan Antin as he prepares, this year, to open a third salon. If it’s anything like the last two years of Blow Out, we’ll be treated to lots of crying, temper tantrums and outbursts. And aside from Jonathan, we’ll also meet Asher, his and Sescie’s new baby boy, and watch as Jonathan tries to balance the art of fatherhood with the perfect cut. Life sure blows for Sescie.

Finders, keepers.

Want to purchase a piece for Paris? A part other than that infamous homemade movie that just about everyone’s seen by now. Reports have surfaced that a storage locker containing various Paris belongings has been removed from the storage facility where it was housed and is currently being shopped around. How the locker and the possessions inside were acquired is a bit hazy – some accounts claim it was sold at an auction, while others argue it was illegally obtained. Items rumored to be up for grabs include photographs, videotapes, journals, computers and clothes. Paris’ attorney has already released a statement threatening to prosecute those found selling her belongings to the highest extent possible. Now that merchandise is what I’d call hot.

She gives love a bad name.

Following in the footsteps of Melrose Place alter-ego Amanda Woodward, Heather Locklear is set to become a divorcée. Again. Earlier today, the actress’s publicist told People Magazine that Heather has filed for divorce from her husband, Bon Jovi guitarist Ritchie Sambora. The two have been married for 11 years and have one daughter.

This divorce will be Ritchie’s first and Heather’s second, as she stuck it out with Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee for eight years before he moved on to Pamela Anderson. Talk about the wrong places to look for The Perfect Man.

Click for Nick.

Predators like Nick Lachey. Or at least they like using his name to find new and unwitting victims on the Internet. Hearing this troubling tale is what prompted Nick to cofound www.yfly.com, a new online chat and networking site, developed just for teenagers, that blocks such undesirables from participating. In an interview with People Magazine, Nick says, "This is new to me. The whole thing of networking online wasn't around when I was a teen. I wasn't aware of how big a problem this was. And when you are 17 you have no idea of who you are dealing with." Isn’t that just about the time he started hooking up with soon-to-be-ex-wife Jessica?

The site is expected to launch today.

Hollywood (ex) husband.

In what will come as a surprise to no one, Britney Spears’ ex-husband Jason Alexander has moved to Hollywood to pursue a career in entertainment. In an exclusive interview with Star Magazine, probably the only publication mildly interested in what he’s been up to post his annulment, Jason discloses that he’s started his own production company, JAA Entertainment, and is currently working on a few movies now in pre-production. When questioned about his relationship with Kevin Federline ex Shar Jackson, Jason is quoted as saying, “"Shar and I are good friends. She's a great person and I really enjoy her company. She and I have a lot in common."

Really? You mean aside from Britney and Kevin? What else could these two possibly have to talk about? Maybe this is Jason’s way of hinting that he’ll be part of her Ex Wives Club television show. After all, it’s not like he couldn’t use the advice of some bitter, scorned Hollywood wives, especially when one of them was left by her significant other for Jason’s own ex-wife. That’s what I’d call entertainment.

Getting buttered up.

Today’s New York Post Page Six is reporting that Laguna Beach’s Kristin Cavallari was caught up close and personal with Scott Sartiano, ex-boyfriend of Ashley Olsen, at Butter, the club he co-owns, on Monday night. Which is interesting, given she’s been all over town professing her love for even-less-of-a-celebrity-than-Brittny-Gastineau Brody Jenner and he’s been recently linked to at-least-10-years-younger-and-not-yet-even-21–and old-enough-to-legally-go-to-bars Michelle Trachtenberg. But on Monday night, seems neither Brody nor Michelle were around to participate in the festivities/to witness the rumored candooling. When asked about the hook up, Scott’s representative denied any romance between his client and Kristin, claiming the two are just friends.

Or are they…? Perhaps this is part of the New York Post’s master plan to manipulate its readers, similar to how the producers of Laguna Beach supposedly did per the recent article in Time Magazine? For those of you who missed it, the Time exposé claims that the season one love triangle between Kristin, Stephen and LC didn’t actually exist at all, but was really a result of some slick editing and liberties taken by story editors. While LB producers don’t entirely deny their involvement in shaping various plot lines, including the triangle, they maintain they didn’t create any story from footage that wasn’t already there in some way, shape or form. No ifs, ands or buts. Dunzo!

Pacey’s new plans.

If you’ve wondered what’s become of Pacey Witter since we last left Dawson’s Creek, wonder no more. Joshua Jackson, Pacey’s portrayer, will be returning to your television set this fall as a leading character in a new legal drama series. The show, currently without a title, will take place in a DC law firm and focus on the lives of the associates it employs. Josh will be playing a member of the workforce who will be undoubtedly torn when he’s designated as the attorney for a death row inmate.

Ohh, heavy stuff. Especially in light of Josh’s recent work as the villain in cinematic treasure Cursed and as the voice of Trenton’s Pride in Racing Stripes. Good thing, after those riches, his career didn’t sail away with the Creek's True Love.