A piece of the Immaculate Collection for sale.

Have you got a spare $225,000 burning a hole in your pocket? If so, you’d be one of the (probably) few people eligible to own a piece of the Material Girl herself. MSNBC’s The Scoop reveals that Madonna, with help from eBay, is auctioning off the tiara she wore at her 2000 wedding to Guy Ritchie. Per the description posted on the web site, the tiara is comprised of 765 old cut diamonds that weigh an approximate 78 carats. And if wearing a tiara really isn’t you thing (I mean, really, it is a bit ostentatious), the jewels can easily be converted into a necklace. What a handy little purchase. Because I totally wouldn’t have even considered it if it weren’t for the tiara’s versatility.

Proceeds from the sale of Madonna’s bauble will go to the Kazanjian Foundation, a nonprofit organization that funds educational and artistic programs for disadvantaged children. The tiara is being auctioned off as part of their Jewels for Charity effort and the bidding will end on September 1. Make him express how he feels and maybe then you'll know your love is real.

Typecasting.

British tabloid The Sun (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006400245,00.html) says that Kevin Federline will appear in three episodes of HBO’s series Entourage next season. How appropriate – a role in a show about a star and his hangers-on. K-Fed has been cast, ironically, as the loser husband of a Hollywood celebrity.

“He is really keen — and not insulted when he was asked to play the part,” a source who claims to be friendly with Kevin told the Sun. Duh. Why should he be? He’s been playing that role for a few years now and is pretty convincing. Just ask Britney.

Tearin’ up my chart.

A story on www.contactmusic.com reveals that recently-outed Lance Bass, who hasn’t done much to earn a living since his ‘N Sync days, but has done plenty to waste his cash (um, remember that attempt to launch himself into space?), will soon be returning to work. Lance will reportedly serve as the host for a new musical countdown show based in Las Vegas, Nevada. Or at least until his rediscovered Celebrity is Gone.

I heard that you were talkin’ s*&t…

The MTV Video Music Awards are bananas, according to No Doubt and solo artist Gwen Stefani, if they think she’ll be making an appearance at tomorrow night’s show. Page Six of the New York Post is reporting that the singer will "boycotting" the popular awards ceremony due to how she felt she was treated at last year’s event in Miami.

"She had a ton of nominations and was under the impression she would be taking home at least one award," a tattler told Page Six. "But every award, except that lame best-dressed award, went to Kelly Clarkson, and every time Kelly won, the camera went straight to Gwen. She felt set up." Gwen was also under the impression that she was supposed to close out the 2005 awards show, yet another concession that was ultimately granted to (who else?) Kelly Clarkson. Put your pom poms down, getting everybody fired up.

Word.

The National Ledger (http://www.nationalledger.com/artman/publish/article_27268049.shtml)
claims that Sean Preston, the unfortunate by-product of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, as uttered his first word. And no, contrary to what you might suspect, it wasn’t "help," "call 911" or I’m country, y’all," but "dada."

"Britney isn't convinced, but is happy to see Kevin paying so much attention," a friend of Kevin’s commented. Probably won’t be, though, when Sean P. can add the phrase "is a loser" later on in life.

I can’t do this all on my own. No I know, I’m no Superman.

Zach Braff is missing ex-gal pal Mandy Moore. He’s missing her like candy. So much that the National Enquirer claims that Zach has (inexplicably) enlisted romantic disaster and recent divorcee Jessica Simpson to help him try and woo Mandy back.

"Zach misses Mandy terribly and he'd do anything if she'd give him another chance," a source told the tabloid. "He insists that all those rumors about Mandy giving him the boot after she caught him cheating on her are hogwash. Zach said that Mandy told him that she simply thought they needed a break from one another."

A break which began in June and is showing no sign of repair. And as for those rumors that Zach has been spotted wooing Jessica? All supposedly part of his master plan, clearly influenced by the logic of his delusional, perpetually unlucky in love television character Dr. Dorian, the only man on earth who would think such a silly scheme would work.

"Just because Zach seemed to be following Jess around a Hollywood nightclub recently, and then appeared to engage her in an intense conversation, everyone assumed he was hitting on her," the source said. "He's been doing everything he can to get Mandy back — even using Jessica Simpson as a go-between. If anyone knows how much it can hurt to go through a very public split, its Jess." Sigh...sweet, sweet lovin’ has got Zach going to the extreme.

Ari Gold(en) moment.

On Entourage, it's Ari’s wit that’s so dangerous, but at the Emmy Awards on Sunday night, it was the actual statue that drew blood. Literally. The New York Daily News reports that Jeremy Piven, who won for best supporting actor for his role on the HBO series, cut himself on his face after receiving his award.

"I went to kiss my Emmy and impaled myself on the chin," the actor said. And with all the celebrating going on, Jeremy didn’t discover the actual injury until he noticed bloodstains on those he had kissed when accepting their congratulations. All the more reason to stick to hugging it out.

Cat-astrophe?

While Tori Spelling’s new husband Dean McDermott has plenty of puppy love for his wife’s three dogs—Mimi LaRue, Ferris and Chiquita—he’s not feeling as friendly when it comes to her felines, says Page Six of the New York Post.

"He is trying to get Tori to get rid of her two 10-year-old cats," an insider revealed. Which wouldn’t be the first time Tori kicked a cat to the curb – she reportedly had three when she married first husband Charlie Shanian.

When asked to comment on the situation, a representative for Tori maintained, "She is not giving away any of her animals." Dean, apparently, included.

A little bit country and a little bit rock ‘n roll.

Britney Spears, perhaps finalizing realizing that Kevin Federline’s career in the entertainment industry may not pan out the way he’s convinced it will, is teaming up with Wal-Mart to be the face of their new "I’m Country" collection, says the Celebrity Blog (http://www.thecelebrityblog.com/). The "I’m Country" line of products will include apparel, cosmetics and household goods. Britney’s contract with the retailer is said to be in the range of one million dollars.

"We feel that Britney, more than any other celebrity, speaks to the soul of our customer base: the working mother who’s maybe put on weight and let herself go, but who’s still a sassy little number at heart," Wal-Mart Executive Vice President M. Susan Chambers said in a statement.

Ouch. Wal-Mart sure knows just what to say to make their customers feel as glamorous as their newest spokesperson must, given the intense media focus she’s has when it comes to her body for years. Always low prices. Not so savvy with vices.

Squeaky clean.

Elijah Blue Allman thinks Paris Hilton is a dirty girl.

During an appearance on Howard Stern’s radio show last week, the musician, and son of Cher and Gregg Allman, bragged about bedding a young Paris Hilton years before she became the media darling she is today, says MSNBC’s The Scoop. But that didn’t stop him from worrying about Paris’ private parts, so much so that Elijah scrubbed himself down with a household cleaner, most likely Tilex, if memory serves, after their encounter to avoid contracting a disease (and, if the cleanser’s claims are accurate, probably mildew). And while she didn’t necessarily deny the incident occurred, a source claims that Paris was "not happy" about Elijah’s remarks. Perhaps she should have tried some Resolve of her own?

She's gonna get it and she doesn't even know it.

Now that American Idol’s Constantine Maroulis has wrapped up his extensive summer tour, getting those stops in pesky small towns like Binghamton, New York and Lancaster, Pennsylvania out of the way, www.Broadway.com is reporting that he’ll be joining the cast of the musical The Wedding Singer. Constantine will be taking of the role of Sammy, an appropriate choice for those who remember the character from the film version as a legend in his own mind with the ladies and the best pal of Adam Sandler’s Robbie Hart. His eight-week run in the production begins in September. Any chance Kellie Pickler is available for the role of flirty, flighty, slutty buddy Holly?

Write on.

Think that the gift of song is the only talent season two Laguna Beach’s Alex M. plans to share with the world? Think again. On her myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/alexmmusic), where the biggest news for the last year has been that her album will drop on September 26, Alex M. reveals that she’s spent the month of August as a guest blogger for CosmoGirl! Magazine. You can read Alex M.’s column by checking out CosmoGirl!’s Celeb Blog page at http://www.cosmogirl.com/entertainment/0,,9gtq6j7s,00.html.

So what important insight does Alex M. have to share with us? Aside from the fact she’s another pseudo-celebrity that doesn’t seem to value a quick Spellcheck, nor understand the importance on punctuation, here are a few samples of her deep thoughts:

"Yes, Wednesday night was the Premier of Laguna Beach season 3…Every one always asks me if I know any of the new girls and are they really that catty, I know a few of them but I am not really close to any of them. You may have seen Cami ask me if she could go to prom with Jason on season 2. She is the gossip queen of Laguna, if you need to know anything about anyone she is the person to ask."

"Sooo I just got finished with my performance at the pro volleyball tournament in Manhattan ...it was sooo much fun but soo hott!!!....we were all dying but the cute boys that were there definitely made up for it...it was also soo funny cause Alex and I didn't know I was gonna be performing on the sand and we were dressed in high heels!"

"Well now on to a completely different subject- I am going in to record a new hott dance track tomorrow ....it samples David Bowies Let’s Dance song, which is AMAZING....and on top of it I just found out I'm going to have a special feature on it ....I actually started crying when I found out. haha...but anyways hopefully next week I will be able to tell u who it is.....ahhhhhhh! Omgosh! And other good news- my lil’ brother took my advice and actually for the first time put in and wore his contacts to his water polo game and ended up wining his second game."

Too bad we couldn’t get some advice on that rumored hygiene problem that supposedly plagued her last summer…isn’t that what Cosmo is for?

Trick or treat.

I suppose it depends on your opinion of the fact that Britney Spears and husband Kevin Federline really are having a second child together. According to www.starpulse.com, K-Fed let the impending baby’s due date slip during a radio interview with Ryan Seacrest last week. Prior to Kevin’s appearance on the program, both he and Britney had been fairly mum when questioned about when Sean Preston’s latest sibling will arrive. But clearly unable withstand the hard-hitting questions posed by the American Idol host and E! News anchor, Kevin buckled and revealed that the baby’s delivery, assuming all goes as planned, has been scheduled for October 31. Scary.

Searching for a Real love.

Seems like the City of Brotherly Love wasn’t the first place The Real World Philadelphia’s Karamo shopped around for onscreen companionship. The Real World/Road Rules Blog (http://realworldroadrules.blogspot.com/) reveals that in addition to being one of the roommates on the 15th season, Karamo also appeared as a contestant on MTV’s Next, the network’s hard-to-watch-but-harder-to-turn-away-from match-making series that gives one lucky contestant the chance to "date" five people. Unhappy with the first of your five? Send them back to the bus that conveniently tails you during your date and request the "Next" one (ahhh, MTV, you’re so clever!). Karamo, the understanding, sensitive guy he is, sent all five of his Next candidates packing and ended up alone. Much like how he spent most of his time in Philly.

Mugging Mikalah.

The Las Vegas Review Journal is reporting that season four American Idol contestant Mikalah Gordon, whose annoying whiny, nasal tone drew unfortunate comparisons to The Nanny’s Fran Drescher, was assaulted during a robbery that occurred early Wednesday morning. Mikalah, who had been working in a recording studio earlier, had taken a break with friend when the two were approached by a man with a gun. She was pushed face down onto the sidewalk after one of the four assailants involved in the robbery realized Mikalah had gotten a look at his face.

"She thought she was going to die," Victoria Cavaricci, Mikalah’s mom, told the Review Journal. "She's scarred and scared, but it could have been so much worse. Police said she's so lucky she's alive."

The robbers absconded with a cell phone, a whopping $5 in cash and relief that Mikalah didn’t try to whine her way out of it. Attackers, out.

Hillbilly.

Think now that The Hills’ Heidi wised up and dumped that loser Jordan that you’ve seen the last of him? Guess again. Hoping to extend his fleeting fifteen minutes of fame, Jordan has hooked up with Laguna Beach has-been Talan Torriero to try his luck in the music industry. The Laguna Beach Hook Up (http://lagunahookup.blogspot.com/) reveals that the two, along with other unknowns, including bands Summit Avenue, Fill the Void and rapper Nick Nac, are taking part in the Reality Check Tour, a series of inexplicable appearances on the West Coast over the next month. Jordan, who spent most of his time on The Hills attempting to play basketball and being envious of Jason’s cash cow Lauren, will be treating fans (and I use that word very loosely) to his own mad lyrical skills, a sample of which can be heard on his myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/jordaneubanks18). Last call, indeed.

Another Ashlee Simpson show?

MSNBC’s The Scoop claims that Ashlee Simpson, who not so long ago was caught lip-synching on Saturday Night Live, has been approached about taking on the role of Roxie Hart in the musical Chicago. Us Weekly Magazine says the younger Simpson also has her choice of locations and could either join the Broadway cast or the one located in London.

"She will probably choose London," an insider tattled to Us. Smart move, Ashlee, putting an ocean’s distance between you and your creepy father. Representatives for the production, though, aren’t as definitive about Ashlee’s inclination.

"There is no confirmation at this time," a spokesperson for Chicago said, neither confirming or denying Ashlee’s potential role. Where’s the L-O-, L-O-, L-O-V-E?

You can have what’s left of he.

Nick Lachey is getting rid of ex-wife Jessica Simpson’s boots that were made for walkin’ (so to speak). And many other possessions that the two shared over the course of their relationship. The National Enquirer reports that Nick, in conjunction with Ebay, will be putting such memorabilia, described by a friend as "mostly photos and keepsakes— little mementos from the show and their TV specials," up for auction. Proceeds from the sale of these items will be donated to an educational charity.

"Nick is going to hold on to the really sentimental stuff," the same friend said, squashing the notion that fans will be able to purchase mementos that might be more scandalous than those seen on Newlyweds or their cheesy holiday shows. "There are a few things he can't bare to part with."

And neither, it appears, can Jessica, who is still hanging on to her souvenirs of their time together, despite Nick’s intention to sell many of his off.

"Jessica took the lion's share of her photos and personal memorabilia when she moved out," another pal of the couple’s said. Too bad the same can’t be said for her fan base.

Blasted.

Like so many others in the industry, musician and Rock Star host Dave Navarro wasn’t dazzled by Kevin Federline’s debut performance at Sunday night’s Teen Choice Awards, says a report on www.contactmusic.com.

"I'll tell you what blew me away about it - he had acrobatics and fire and all this stuff going on - all these people that are very, very talented around him. So, I guess that works. I mean, it was a spectacle to say the least. I was not impressed, I was not blown away," the soon-to-be-ex of Carmen Electra opined during an appearance on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. When asked if K-Fed would make the cut on his own reality series, Dave said, "He'd be packing his bags! Sorry, dude!" Funny, isn’t a Supernova really just an explosion that results from the death of a pseudo-star? Sounds like Kevin would be a perfect fit.

Art and soul.

The New York Daily News is reporting that Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael, currently serving some time at the Collins Correctional Facility, has found a new career – editorial cartooning. Michael generously shared one of his latest drawings with the newspaper, one which illustrates his troubled relationship with this famous daughter and the ongoing battle he has for her affection with assorted characters including devil-horned attorneys, prison guards, the paparazzi and a woman dressed in Ugg boots (who may either be Lindsay’s mom or her publicist). The cartoon also depicts the Lord Almighty exclaiming, "Shame on you…Don't you know that some things are sacred!?!" (Like not using your daughter to draw attention to your new career as an artist?)

In addition to the cartoon, Michael also gave the Daily News an update on his new look on life and his plans to start a ministry when he’s released from the slammer. Highlights include:

On Lindsay: "Lindsay is a talented, loving, blessed and free-spirited person. I believe nothing I read about her unless I hear it from Lindsay herself. And she's always been honest with me."

On producer James Robinson, who recently challenged Lindsay’s professionalism on the set of Georgia Rule: "If Mr. Robinson wrote a letter to her, that is his right. He is a respectable man and I'm sure he felt it as his obligation. … But I do know how things get twisted and I'm sure there is an honest explanation."

On Kate Moss, rumored to have shared a night of pole-dancing with Lindsay: "While I don't think Kate is the best mentor based on reports, these reports could be twisted. To which, I hope and pray (as it appears) Kate has turned her life around as well."

On Harry Morton, Lindsay’s newest rumored boyfriend: "He appears private, respectable, and my friends in Vegas only have good things to say about him and his family."

On Brandon Davis, the oil heir caught on tape drunkenly branding Lindsay a "firecrotch": "All I can say is that I am happy that God gave me a new way of looking at, and pitying, people like Brandon. I pray for his soul!"

This time, from father to daughter.

Cele-bid.

Paris Hilton, who recently publicized her vow of year-long celibacy, is looking to make it even easier on herself by selling her bed. MSNBC’s The Scoop (http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14153953/) reveals that the heiress is working with StarStyle.com to auction off her king-sized bed and mattress, along with other miscellaneous furniture from her house. Bidding for the bed starts at $1,500 and 10% of the money raised for each item sold will be given to charity. A small price to pay when it’s probably your only chance to get into that Hilton.

Pulp friction.

A report on www.entertainmentwise.com claims that John Travolta, widely reported to be the reason behind Jennifer Lopez’s decision to abruptly drop out of the big screen version of Dallas, was somewhat relieved himself that J-Lo decided to go.

"From the moment Jennifer’s name was attached, Travolta went ballistic," a source told The Daily Mail. "It’s been said that Jennifer didn’t like the script but the truth is John doesn’t rate her as an actress and quite simply felt she was not up to part of Sue Ellen."

Because playing the long-suffering, alcoholic wife of a pompous, wealthy oil executive would have been too much of a stretch? More than John himself cross-dressing to play larger-than-life Edna Turnblad in the remake of Hairspray?

Ready, set, ho-mewrecker.

It sounds like Jessica Simpson may be sharing more than Sweet Kisses with rumored beau Dane Cook. The National Enquirer is claiming that Jessica recently suffered a scare even more frightening than the thought of dark roots or traveling without BFF Ken Paves – a pregnancy.

"She definitely took an early pregnancy test and, knowing Jessica, she must have been freaking out," an insider told the tabloid. "Jessica is a good girl - and a surprise pregnancy isn't something she could go to her agent or her parents about. And of course she no longer has Nick to confide in."

Representatives for Jess deny that the pregnancy scare ever happened, but sources claim that the possibility makes sense given her new relationship with Employee of the Month co-star Cook.

"Falling for Dane took her by surprise and she wasn't prepared for an intimate relationship," the insider revealed. "Everyone in Jessica's inner circle knows that she and Dane are 100 percent a couple. He spends a lot of time at her new home in Beverly Hills and now they're starting to go out in public. They even ran into Nick one night in Los Angeles, but everyone seemed cool with it, which means they've all moved on."

Including, although probably not quite as happily, Dane’s now ex-girlfriend Raquel Houghton, who was living with the comedian when he hooked up with Jessica. Just another stop on his Tourgasm.

Lindsay Lo’ just can’t go.

Brandon Davis isn’t the only one who doesn’t seem to care for Lindsay Lohan.

A report on Entertainmentwise (http://www.entertainmentwise.com/news?id=21117) claims that Justin Timberlake has banned the hard-partying actress from an appearance he’ll be making at the House of Blues in Los Angeles this weekend. Justin is scheduled to perform some of the songs that will be included on his soon-to-be-released FutureSex/Love Sounds album and both he and his management don’t want an unpredictable Lindsay anywhere near the venue.

"Justin’s gig will be packed with Hollywood A-listers and a lot of important names in music," an insider told British publication The Sun. "The last thing the label want is Lindsay getting hammered and making a spectacle of herself, taking attention away from Justin and his new album."

Go ‘head, be gone with it. Or her, as the case may be.

Puck procreates.

This is the true story. The Real World San Francisco’s Puck, best-remembered for snot-rockets, not bathing and using his dirty digits to eat peanut butter from the jar, has become a father. Again. People Magazine is reporting that Puck (real name: David Rainey) and his wife, Betty, whom he married onscreen while participating in one of MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes challenges, welcomed son Rocco Kokopelli on August 6.

"(Rocco) looks like a combination of both of us, which is probably lucky for him because I’m kind of ugly," the proud father told People. Charming. Baby Rocco joins equally-unfortunately named big brother Bogart, 4, in this unfortunate family and years of therapy to come.

I can say anything crazy.

Jessica Simpson, never once to mince words, even when she doesn’t know what they mean, has apparently decided to make what went on in the bedroom with ex-husband Nick Lachey A Public Affair. According to www.celebrityfan.net, Jessica recently told Times Magazine that "Nick Lachey didn't pack too well if you know what I mean, but I got over it." How considerate, and classy, of her to reveal. Hey, Jess, have you been taking pointers from Mr. Inappropriate himself, Papa Joe, about how to win friends and influence people, in light of your upcoming album release?

High note.

What do the WWE’s Chris Jericho, Queer as Folk’s Hal Sparks and Olympian Carly Patterson all have in common? Aside from lacking the common sense gene, they have all officially signed on to participate in Simon Cowell’s newest reality television venture Celebrity Duets. Today’s New York Post reveals that the three will appear on the show, scheduled to debut on August 29, along with Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’s Jai Rodriquez, Xena: Warrior Princess Lucy Lawless, Cheech Marin, Alfonso Ribeiro of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and screen actress Lea Thompson. As if she could ever top her singing performance as Beverly Switzler in Howard the Duck.

Underage Thinking had Kristin sinking.

Despite her reputation as Laguna Beach’s most wanted, it sounds like she needed to muster every ounce of confidence she had to catch the attention of singer Teddy Geiger. The New York Daily News claims that Kristin Cavallari, currently single again after her second split from D-list celebrity Brody Jenner, was spied obsessively text-messaging the 17-year-old singer after she co-starred with him in his For You I Will (Confidence) video earlier this year. Kristin, who is rumored to have also been involved with Matt Leinhart and Nick Lachey (albeit not at the same time), was apparently uncharacteristically unsuccessful in getting Teddy’s time of day back then, possibly as a result of the warnings of his handlers, clearly familiar with Kristin’s history of "open relationships." Guess not everyone wants to be her Love Monkey.

No Xposure.

Think married life for Christina Aguilera is as Dirrty as she once sang?

It appears we’ll never know. A report on the SF Gate Daily Dish (http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/indexd?blogid=7) claims that the singer and her husband of less than a year, music executive Jordan Bratman, are regularly asked by television networks to participate in their own reality series.

"We've been approached, actually, and it has been a question for some people, but my marriage and my relationship with my husband is something that I really want to protect," the singer said in an interview with MTV News when questioned about the possibility. Quite a change from her Stripped years, where Xtina bragged about her sexuality to just about anyone who would listen and was often photographed in classy leather chaps or wearing nothing in all.

"It's a whole different ballgame, I feel, when you do open yourself up to that whole thing, and it must be difficult," Christina commented regarding the wave reality programming many of her peers in the music industry have participated in. "You're open to all the judgment in the world. At least now I can say, 'Well, you don't know my situation and it's very private and special and sacred to me.'" Beautiful.

The Parent’s Trap.

Dina Lohan, the ex-Rockette responsible for unleashing Lindsay on the world, is preparing to launch her own talk show, reveals the Star Magazine (must have been a slow week in the world of celebrity gossip for the publication).

"I have a talk show in the works," Dina confirmed to the tabloid. "It’s more of an Apprentice-y, show-y thing. I would host it and co-produce it. It’s a good heartwarming show. It’s nothing trashy. We’re not going to follow dates to bars and see what happens, or anything like that. But it’s a girl-empowered, woman show. I would only do something that would help other people, because that’s just who I am and how I was raised."

Huh? A feel-good, pro-woman talk show that follows the style of Donald Trump’s The Apprentice? With such an, um, intriguing format, it’s no wonder that no network has snatched this little gem up quite yet.

"I love to talk," Dina tells the Star. "Lindsay’s friends call me ‘The White Oprah’ because they all come to me with their problems. I’m like the mom of these kids in the business!"

And what a great job she's doing, choosing to look the other way when her eldest child is hospitalized for at least the third time in recent years and yelling back at studio executives who called Lindsay out on her unprofessional off-screen antics. Take this for just what it is.

Why am I so real?

Bobby Brown’s high-class sister Tina, the one who admittedly sold stories about Whitney Houston and her reported drug use to the National Enquirer, is shopping around her own reality series, says www.contactnews.com. But unlike Being Bobby Brown, that focused on the obvious (being Bobby Brown), Tina claims her reality show will go beyond the exploits of her infamous brother, more prominently featuring the rest of the Brown family, many of whom (including Tina) weren’t featured in Bobby’s series. Tina’s project will also more than likely provide what I’m sure she hopes is a great opportunity to showcase her son Shane, himself (conveniently) an aspiring rapper.

"We're doing the Brown family reality show," Tina emphasizes, hoping to find that one freak who might actually be interested in watching a Brown family reality program that features someone other than Bobby or Whitney.

But for those of you who (wisely) think that Tina’s show won’t be nearly as entertaining as her brother’s, Tina promises you don’t have to worry.

"We got a lot of footage of Bobby," Tina says reassuringly, perhaps realizing that without it, no one would watch. That said, Tina is still quick to point out that, "It is so different than the Being Bobby Brown show."

Girl, you need to change your attitude. Ah no, oh, a no, don’t be cruel.

Doggone mad.

Simon says not to leave your pooch parked outside in hot weather.

MSNBC’s Scoop column (http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14153946/) reveals that PETA recently completed filming a commercial with American Idol judge Simon Cowell, who categorically applied the same disgust potential contestants often receive to animal owners who mistreat their canine companions by leaving them locked up in parked cars on sweltering summer days.

"Far be it from me to be critical, but I find it really appalling that, this year, thousands of dogs will die of heatstroke inside parked cars," he says in the commercial, accompanied by his own dog, Claude. Paula Abdul, however, is another story entirely.

The OC-hic.

While her sarcastic, on-screen alter ego might find fault with those who have a passion for fashion, the same cannot be said for Samaire Armstrong, the actress who recurs as Anna Stern on Fox’s The OC. A report on www.contactmusic.com says that Samaire, who was enrolled in fashion school before Harbor, has launched her own line of designs called Naru.

"The show really opened the door to everything I've got and done thus far. I started designing when I was at school. To begin with, I was just making crazy costumes for Halloween. Then I went to a fashion school and started to take it seriously."

Samaire credits her move to The OC with giving the exposure required to get her fashion line buttoned up. Definitely unlike anything worn by Marissa or Summer.

If this is what he wants and it's what she wants, then why's there so much pain?

Shanna Moakler, clearly looking to stretch out her 15 minutes of fame now that her Meet the Barkers marriage is dunzo, posted the following message on her myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/shannamoakler) earlier this week (note to Shanna – now that you have some more free time on your hands, this may be a good opportunity to invest in a dictionary or Spellcheck software):

For the record....
Current mood: disappointed
I can only say thank you to all those who have sent such touching letters, well wishes and prayers. i am very devestated and very much heartbroken over the demise of my marriage and for the upset of my family....I wanted nothing more to overcome the challenges we faced but failed. i truly believe that everything happens for a reason and i have complete faith in the heavens....i can honestly say i have been truly blessed with great family and friends and of course my children who are the main focus of my concern. I still very much believe in the power of love...i look back with no regrets and feel blessed for my experience and look forward with an open mind....i am very sad but it is remarkable to see the outpouring of support i have been offered...again thank you for all your letters and kind words. in this time please know i do read your letters but i am sorry if i cant respond.shannaxoxo

And who are those sending the touching letters, well wishes and prayers? If Shanna’s listing of friends is up to date, they could include ex-Playboy Playmate and Growing Pains babysitter Julie McCullough, porn princess Jenna Jameson, Girls Next Door’s Kendra Wilkinson and Holly Madison and My Fair Brady bride Adrianne Curry. Good to know that Shanna’s so, ahem, well-supported.

Where is the love?

The National Enquirer is reporting that Las Vegas star Josh Duhamel has brought the house down on his relationship with Black Eyed Peas chanteuse Fergie. The reason for the fold? Reportedly, the couple’s conflicting work schedules and Josh’s inability to not hedge his bets when it came to other women.

"Ultimately, Josh just isn't ready to settle down," an insider said of the break up. ""In the long run, Josh's eye began to wander because their schedules were always conflicting. In the end, the odds were stacked against them, and Josh ended up bailing out."

The tabloid claims that Josh phunked with Fergie’s heart while she was out of town, touring, to avoid extensive media coverage of their split.

"Josh and Fergie refused to play the Hollywood game during their romance — opting not to address any gossip about marriage or troubles during the relationship," the same source commented. "And he's tried to end it just as quietly." A little less conversation, a little more action, if you will.

Somebody always has to cry.

Lauren Conrad, who foolishly chose Jason Wahler over Paris in the first season finale of The Hills, has announced that she and her monosyllabic beau have broken up.

"Yes it is true, Jason and I are no longer together, but out of respect for his privacy, I am not going to discuss the details of the breakup," LC told Us Weekly Magazine (http://www.usmagazine.com/blog/2006/08/08/us-exclusive-two-laguna-beach-breakups/). "Even though I am on a reality based show and I live much of my life in a fish bowl, I think anyone would understand that I need to keep some of my life private."

Right. That’s exactly why you participate in not one, but two seasons of Laguna Beach, then agree to star in your own spin-off, where the supporting cast members are few and far between. And while Lauren isn’t pointing fingers about who did what, that’s not stopping others familiar with her relationship with Jason from commenting.

"He had been going out to clubs, flirting with girls, staying out late," a supposed friend of Lauren’s said about Jason’s behavior prior to the couple’s split. "She wanted to focus on school and her career and was ready to move on. She feels really good about her decision."

And probably not as good about a rumored "Jason" tattoo on her body, which she is said to have had covered at a local tattoo parlor during a recent trip to Las Vegas with Hills roomie Heidi. Timing is everything.

Blink and the marriage that’s over.

MTV is now zero for three when it comes to happy marriages. Amid rumors that have been circulating for months, People Magazine is now confirming that Blink-182’s Travis Barker has indeed filed for divorce from his D-list actress wife Shanna Moakler. The couple’s married life was chronicled on the reality series Meet the Barkers.

"I can confirm that Travis filed this morning," Dvora Vener, Travis’s representative, told People.

Travis and Shanna were married on Halloween night in 2004 and have two children together – Landon, 2 years old, and Alabama, 7 months. Shanna also has a 7-year-old daughter, Atiana, from a prior relationship.

"My only concern right now is for the welfare and best interests of my children," Shanna said, seemingly a first given how little attention she seemed to pay to them, particularly Atiana, on Meet the Barkers. Ironic that now she finally cares about All the Small Things.

Coming attraction.

Kevin Federline, who left audiences speechless with his performance as a total loser in Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, is coming soon to a theater near you. And not, as you might have expected, to pick up your leftover trash. Mr. Britney Spears, it appears, is now ready to make his big screen debut, for me and for you, according to Kat Giantis’ Hot Gossip (www.entertainment.msn.com/movies/hotgossipb5).

"I've already been offered a couple of scripts," K-Fed bragged to In Touch Weekly Magazine. "The most interesting one was a role as a drug dealer, starring with Ben Affleck's brother (Casey) . I was supposed to audition, but I got really sick and couldn't make it."

Bummer for all involved, I’m sure. But perhaps a good thing, as Kevin is undecided as to whether he’s more suited for a dramatic role or a comedic one.

"Sometimes I wake up in a comedic mood, and sometimes I wake up in a serious mood," he clarifies. "With acting, you've got to be able to channel that for three months straight." Which he’s been able to do before – isn’t that about how long it took him to convince Britney he was the one for her?

Steppin’ up.

Whoa! According to www.tmz.com, Joseph "Don’t Call Me Joey" Lawrence has waltzed on over to ABC to become one of the participants on this season’s Dancing with the Stars. And while unconfirmed by the network at this time, the cast is also rumored to include film actress Vivica A. Fox, NFL great Emmitt Smith, Saved by the Bell’s Mario Lopez and his Pacific Blue co-star Shanna Moakler. Gimme a Break!

Ain’t it funny.

While many are speculating that a potential baby bulge is the reason behind Jennifer Lopez’s abrupt departure from the big screen version of Dallas, an insider who tattled to the New York Post’s Page Six claims it wasn’t her tummy causing the trouble. Although she hasn’t publicly commented about what prompted her send-off from Southfork, there’s speculation that J. Lo was less than impressed with both her weighty co-star John Travolta and what’s rumored to be a script worthy of Gigli-like comparisons.

"The script sucks," the source told the tabloid matter-of-factly. "And John Travolta? If it had been a man's man like Ed Harris or Tommy Lee Jones . . . but you don't just go from doing Hairspray to Dallas." Or apparently, if you're Jennifer, from Jersey (Girl) to Dallas, either.

Carmen’s diet - you can buy it.

Carmen Electra, the estranged wife of Dave Navarro, isn’t wasting time worrying about whether or not a potential divorce settlement will come her way. Just a few months after she signed up to become the face of www.Luvoo.com, a dating service she herself may now want to look into, www.tmz.com is reporting that Carmen has agreed to endorse NV™, described on their web site as a "rapid weight-loss beauty pill." As if Carmen needs weight loss, rapid or otherwise.

"We are thrilled to have Carmen Electra as the new face of NV™," Brad Woodgate, the CEO of NV™, said in a statement on www.be-desired.com, the subtle URL address for the product. "Her toned physique, glamorous beauty and infectious spirit resonate with our customers and make her a natural fit for NV™."

The makers of NV™ claim their product is different because its formula contains not one, not two, but three complexes – weight loss, beauty and energy – that work together to not only encourage weight loss, but also improve a woman’s outer glow. And for a mere $49.99, you can purchase this revolutionary product on NV™’s own web site or at fine retailers like Wal Mart or Rite Aid. But if you’re Carmen, I bet you can get it Cheaper by the Dozen.

Batter up, baby down.

Inspired by the widely-publicized, reckless behavior of Britney Spears, minor-league baseball team the Newark Bears (www.newarkbears.com) want you to be prepared to hit a home run when it comes to your child’s safety. On Friday night, the team will host "Britney Spears Baby Safety Night," where fans are invited to pick up free information on baby safety as well as free admission to that evening’s game, provided you’ve followed those safety steps and have brought your baby with you. Don’t have a baby to bring? Dress as one or bring a toy to donate and you’ll still be able to avoid a ticket. Just like Britney herself managed to do.

Trippin'.

American Idol’s Katharine McPhee literally cannot catch a break.

After being absent for the start of the Idols Live tour, the New York Post’s Starr Report reveals that Kat suffered a misstep on Tuesday night, fracturing her left foot backstage at Bobcats Arena in Charlotte, North Carolina. Fortunately for fans who Idolize her, Katharine still managed to make it on stage and perform two songs for the crowd before being shuttled to a local hospital for x-rays.

"She's in discomfort, but she's fine," Roger Widynowski, a representative for RCA, the label for whom many of the Idols are now signed, said. "She will continue on the tour and is not defaulting."

Lucky break for us.

Re-Working Girl.

Out of work ex-Newlywed Jessica Simpson, looking to round out her resume with something other than her Daisy Dukes, is reportedly mulling over starring in a remake of the 1980’s movie Working Girl, says www.entertainmentwise.com. Jessica would take on the same role that made Melanie Griffith famous some 20+ years ago.

"It is one of the scripts she's considering," a representative for the singer confirmed, dashing hopes that the upcoming Employee of the Month would be the last time audiences would see Jessica attempting to act on the big screen. Price check on aisle talent.

The Hills have spies.

Ever wonder why Whitney Port, one of the two interns at Teen Vogue on MTV’s The Hills, seemed so interested, and so knowledgeable, about Lauren’s life in Laguna Beach? Perhaps its because Whitney’s internship at the magazine wasn’t as coincidental as the producers wanted it to appear. Wikipedia’s informational page about Laguna Beach's cast members (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christina_Schuller) reveals the following connection:

Christina Michelle Schuller (born September 8, 1986 in Orange County, California) is the daughter of the Crystal Cathedral's Reverend Dr. Robert Anthony Schuller. Christina is a trained singer. She is currently attending the University of Southern California. She is roommates with Whitney Port, who interns with Lauren Conrad at Teen Vogue.

A convenient little fact that has actually never been addressed on The Hills, despite all of Whitney and Lauren’s deep, meaningful conversations in the Teen Vogue offices and their duet of Fashion School Dropout. The rest is still Unwritten.

Hilary’s big gig.

Days after announcing to the world that hey, she didn’t tell Elle she was a virgin (or that she wasn’t), Hilary Duff returned to her family-friendly roots by performing a free concert for military members and their relatives in Fayetteville, North Carolina’s Fort Bragg. Hilary’s performance, the Associated Press reports, took place on Tuesday night at Crown Coliseum for a crowd of over 7,000.

"I think she understands, or at least wants to try to understand, the sacrifices soldiers and their families make," said Cynthia Ivins, a concert attendee and mom, said regarding the event. Hilary has previously reserved blocks of tickets for prior concerts just for military families (So Yesterday), but this time, dedicated the entire show to them.

In addition to the concert, Hilary also met and posed for pictures with many of the families in attendance. What a Supergirl.

But the question is…can you handle mine?

Unsatisfied with just being known as a wannabe rapper and questionable father, Kevin Federline is considering starting his own magazine, according to www.mtv.com. Kevin revealed his latest pet project in this week’s Steppin’ Out Magazine, the cover of which he inexplicably graces. The magazine concept was one mentioned by wife Britney Spears during her now infamous Dateline interview, yet another potential Britney business that K-Fed will now try to pass off as his own. And while the magazine would, of course, help the Spears-Federline family combat the ongoing rumors that plague them in the press, Kevin maintains that the purpose of the periodical is actually much more altruistic and selfless, as it would also serve the needs of other unfortunate celebrities who often find themselves troubled by the tabloids.

"It's not just us; everybody has been lied about in the tabloids," Kevin said. "Everybody has false truths and false images and false stuff perceived on them. Maybe not as much as me and my wife get. But everybody has it. You know? I think a magazine like that, if there were just one magazine like that, would attract all the stars. I think they would want to go to that magazine and tell the truth!"

And as we all know, people can take everything away from you. But they can never take away your truth….

Lindsay laid off.

Lindsay Lohan, recently not feeling the Love (Bug) from producers at Morgan Creek Productions, is experiencing yet another break-up, this time from British label Island Records. A report on www.entertainmentwise.com claims that Island will cease production and distribution of Lindsay’s future albums due to her lack of involvement in promoting and selling them.

"A single was a huge flop over here because Lindsay couldn’t be bothered to get off her bum and promote it. In the end, they didn’t even release the album called Speak in the UK," a source told British publication The Sun. "She didn’t bother to come over to the UK to do interviews or make TV appearances to help sell the album. Island has now decided not to do another with her."

Now if we could only get US producers to do the same…

Shanna goes fan-atic.

Shanna Moakler, whom husband Travis Barker claimed was an "amazing actress" in the opening credits of their MTV reality show Meet the Barkers, did a bang-up job of acting like a jealous wife at Hollywood night club Privilege recently, says the New York Post’s Page Six. The two were both spotted hanging out at the hot spot, but partying separately, or at least until Shanna witnessed Travis having his picture taken with a pretty female fan. Never one to shy away from the camera, as evidenced by her various Playboy pictorials, Shanna reportedly interrupted the photo op, tossed her drink at the woman, then threw the glass at Travis. When asked about the incident, Travis’s representative Dvora Vener stated, "No comment." Well, I guess this is growing up.

Face case.

Hell hath no fury that Shannen Doherty scorned.

As it seems the Star Magazine is about to find out. A report on www.contactmusic.com claims that the former Beverly Hills, 90210 beyotch was reduced to tears when presented with a recent Star cover emblazoned with the headline "Extreme Makeover" on top of Shannen’s smile.

"I'm actually willing to go so far as to go sit down with whatever plastic surgeon they want to put in front of me who can inspect my face," Shannen told Barbara Walters during a co-hosting stint on The View earlier this week before explaining just how upset she got when she was shown the magazine in the midst of filming her new series, Breaking Up with Shannen Doherty. "Production got halted for about an hour and a half because I was sobbing uncontrollably."

But, in typical Shannen fashion, she managed to tame the tears long enough to warn the Star of what’s to come.

"I hired a litigator and I'm willing to put as much money behind a lawsuit as humanly possible, just to sort of teach them a lesson." A "just cause" if I ever heard of one.