Lauren likes liquid black eye liner.

Lauren Conrad, a.k.a. LC to Laguna Beach and The Hills fans, has just revamped her official web site. Visit http://www.laurenconrad.com/ to learn, well, not all that much. Lauren has packed the site full of recycled information (e.g., her bio) and selected photos that have already been featured in Seventeen, Teen People and always highly-regarded tabloid The Star, one of which ironically has the headline, "I don’t really even like attention on me." Right.

But between making-and-breaking up with Jason, giving profound relationship advice to Heidi and waxing poetic about a good pair of jeans with Whitney, Lauren, it appears, did manage to pick up one lesson from her time at Teen Vogue that she’s incorporated here – the importance of product placement. Click on the "favorites" link to learn about Lauren’s preferred products (Betsey Johnson dresses, Stila smudge pots and Iron Army jeans - "gotta have these jeans in the fall"), what she’s watching (The Devil Wears Prada, which she could have READ a few years ago, Grey's Anatomy and The Covenant) and what’s on her iPod (Fergie, Justin Timberlake and Beyonce). She’s also quick to offer fashion tips that include such pearls of wisdom like "Jewelry is a great way to dress up or down any outfit," "Pair a belt with a dress or top/skirt combo for a sophisticated, feminine touch" and "A thick black headband adds some classy retro flair." Just who's bring SexyBack now? I'll Blog About Celebrities Until I Am
One!

T-shirts by Ryan? Nobody’s buyin’.

Retailers including Bloomingdales and Marshall Fields have said "off you go" to R Line merchandise, the high-end line of t-shirts launched last year by American Idol and radio host Ryan Seacrest. A story in the National Enquirer reveals that the shirts, emblazoned with showy designs and often worn by Ryan when he appeared on Idol last season, suffered disappointing sales when they made them move from small, boutique shops to large-scale department stores.

"The flashy tees, which Ryan helped design, were monumental flops and sat there like stones," a source revealed. "In the end you couldn't give them away!"

R Line’s intended audience was comprised of young men, but many reportedly felt that the merchandise was "too gay-looking." Is that really the Measure of a Man?

A real reason to Screech.

The New York Daily News (http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/456104p-383834c.html) is reporting that Dustin Diamond, better known as Samuel "Screech" Powers from cheesy, perpetually-rerun sitcom Saved by the Bell, has now officially eclipsed cheating Mario "A.C. Slater" Lopez as the sleaziest of the Bayside High alums with his appearance in a homemade sex tape. David Hans Schmidt, an agent familiar to Hollywood heavyweights for his role in the sale of their unmentionables, has obtained the rights to the 40-minute video that features Screech getting more action—and fairly graphically—with more women than he ever did on Bell.

"Just when you think you have seen everything in this business, mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it," Schmidt told the Daily News regarding the tape’s content. He is currently shopping Screech’s short, with a working title of Saved by the Smell, to distributors including Hustler and Vivid.

Which isn’t an entirely bad scenario, according to Dustin’s manager Roger Paul.

"I haven't seen the tape," he told the newspaper. "I've heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings." Maybe at the Max.

Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. Still.

Two of the Lost Boys have found a new home. On cable network A&E.

A report on Starpulse (http://www.starpulse.com) reveals that A&E has given the go-ahead to what’s being called The Coreys: Return of the Lost Boys, starring Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. The show will chronicle their friendship, their good and bad fortunes and their lives (once) in the fast lane. Corey and Corey shared the screen in various late eighties/early nineties movies including License to Drive, Dream a Little Dream, Blown Away, National Lampoon’s Last Resort and (ironically) Busted. The program will start by showing how life changes for the now-married, new father Feldman, living in suburbia, when Haim, probably still attempting to sell his own teeth for cash, is forced to move in with his old co-star and his new family. A&E has not actually specified whether this is a comedy or an unfortunate twist of fate for the Feldmans. Busted again.

Heaven help them.

There are no happy faces smilin’ back on the set of 7th Heaven.

The cheesy, pseudo-Christian drama that inexplicably made the cut post-merger of the WB and UPN isn’t quite as heavenly entering it’s eleventh season, according to the National Enquirer. Among the problems concerning the Camdens are less time to rehearse, longer days on set and squabbles regarding the scenes, particularly between leads Catherine Hicks and Stephen Collins.

"They have conflicting acting styles. Stephen is matter of fact and down to earth — he doesn't analyze everything," an insider divulges. "But Catherine likes to take time to talk about how her character is feeling, and it infuriates Stephen, because it slows down the production. He completely avoids talking with her when they're not doing a scene."

And they aren’t the only ones who think life on the set is a little more hellish these days.

"Beverley Mitchell and George Stults, who play the Camdens' daughter Lucy and her husband Kevin Kinkirk, don't even make small talk when their scenes are over," another source told the tabloid. Time to say a little prayer?

Living in a material world.

Although the finale of this season’s Project Runway has yet to broadcast, a second potential cheating scandal has at least one contestant seaming with anger. Laura Bennett, one of the four finalists, has charged that Jeffrey Sebelia outsourced the production of the collection he presented at Fashion Week, says a story in New York Magazine (http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/21688/). Her accusation came after Laura heard that mentor Tim Gunn, who had recently stopped by Jeffrey’s Los Angeles studio to check on his progress, had commented that the designer "had a lot of work to do." Upon hearing that, being knowledgeable about Jeffrey’s skills throughout the competition and shortly thereafter seeing Jeffrey’s unusually finished, polished line at Bryant Park, Laura approached producers with her suspicion. After all, as the infamous Mr. Gunn himself said in an earlier episode this season, "Project Runway is nothing without its integrity and its seriousness of purpose."

"We took the accusation very seriously, and we did a very intense and thorough investigation," Tim was quoted as saying, giving no indication of what may have been discovered. Bravo has also remained buttoned up when questioned about the allegations. Fortunately, viewers will only need to wait on pins and needles until September 27 when it will be revealed who is in…and who is out. Auf wiedersehen.

PopoZao goes in the trough.

Kevin Federline fans, take note. The wannabe rapper made perhaps his first (and potentially only) good career decision by striking the laughable PopoZao from the track listing of his Playing With Fire debut album, scheduled to drop on October 31. MSNBC’s Scoop (http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14626189/) reports that in it’s place will be a duet with wife (and bankroller) Britney Spears called Crazy. In many ways, equally appropriate.

Un-gaged.

Apparently, after some thought, he didn’t want it that way. Aaron Carter, the younger brother of Backstreet Boy Nick, has ended his whirlwind engagement to ex-Miss Teen USA and Playboy Playmate Kari Ann Peniche, says Us Weekly Magazine (http://usmagazine.com/node/2326).

"I got caught up in the moment and proposed. I then realized it was a hasty thing to do and I am not ready for marriage quite yet," Aaron told Us about his decision.

Which he apparently clued twin sister Angel in on before giving Us what they’re calling an exclusive scoop. On the blog that’s housed on her myspace page (http://www.myspace.com/angelcharisma), Angel posted the following on Friday, spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes and all:

there officially broken up (aaron)

hey everyone! so i just wanted to inform everyone on aarons situition with this girl. aaron and her have officially broken up! nick took aaron away for a couple of days and talked some serious sense into him! nick and i are watchen his back to make sure she doesnt come around anymore! of course i was right, he is my twin hahha guess i know him well

It’s probably important to note that Kari Ann, prior to dating/getting engaged to Aaron, was also involved with Nick. Ewh. Ain’t nothing but a heartache.

Her life as a Cover Girl.

New network CW may have been the big ratings winner on Wednesday night, but America’s Next Top Model hostess Tyra Banks needs to start acting like a loser when it comes to her weight. A story on www.MediaTakeOut.com claims executives at the WB-UPN creation are concerned that Tyra, who in addition to ANTM hosts her own talk show, has been enjoying the fruits of her labor just a bit too much. And they think it’s showing.

"Tyra still looks good, but she's put on close to 50 pounds since starting her talk show ... things are really getting out of control," an anonymous CW producer told MediaTakeOut. "I mean, she doesn't have the greatest personality, so if she starts getting too heavy, it could be a real problem for the show." Tyra’s been told, according to the producer, to lose those extra lbs or the CW may lose the next season of Top Model.

"When you see [Tyra] next to the girls on the show, you realize how much weight she's put on ... it's almost ridiculous," the source says. What would Mr. J say?

You got soul, you got class.

Beautiful songstress Christina Aguilera took a break from being Baby Jane in order to do some shopping for Baby Sutton. The SF Gate Daily Dish (http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/indexd?blogid=7) reports that the singer, upon hearing of one-time rival Britney Spears’ latest production, contacted upscale baby boutique Petit Tresor to purchase a $500 gift basket for Britney’s newest little boy. Items in the basket were said to include porcelain crockery, a stuffed elephant, a hooded towel and some cozy slippers. It was delivered to Britney’s home on Wednesday, just a week after Sutton made his grand entrance, and came complete with card signed, "Love, Christina and Jordan." Tell your mother, your brother, your sister, and your friend.

Two to tango.

Is Mario Lopez steppin’ out with his Dancing with the Stars partner Karina Smirnoff? An unidentified source seems to think so and kindly shared their observations with Us Weekly Magazine (http://www.usmagazine.com/node/2263).

"It’s serious," the source claims, adding that the two have been going toe-to-toe since August.

Mario, who will really always be Saved by the Bell’s Slater, has been featured in hours of mindless programming including Pacific Blue, daytime chat fest The Other Half and Animal Planet’s Pet Star. Karina, according to information provided by Dancing, has been ballroom dancing since the age of nine and is a five-time U.S. National Champion, a World Trophy Champion and an Asian Open Champion. Sounds like a match made in mambo.

Barbecue with extra “ewh.”

A statement released by PR-Inside (http://www.pr-inside.com/simpson-s-dad-to-launch-restaurant-chain-r19439.htm) discloses that Joe Simpson, the Baptist minister -turned-manager of daughters Jessica and Ashlee, is ready to bite into a new business venture. Joe is reportedly planning to start up his own chain of restaurants, rumored to be named Daisy Dukes after the infamous role, and cutoffs that Jessica wore, in the big-screen remake of The Dukes of Hazzard. The premier Daisy Dukes will open in Las Vegas, ensuring it will not only share the character Jessica played in the film, but it’s Hazzard County setting as well.

Family matters.

What do Tori Spelling and Kevin Federline have in common? The Dr. Keith Ablow Show, apparently. A week after Tori’s ex-husband Charlie Shanian appeared on the program, Shar Jackson, the mother of Kevin’s first two children, will have her own sit-down with the self-help doctor, says MSNBC’s Scoop (http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14626187/). On Thursday’s show, Shar will reveal that she wasn’t sad when K-Fed left her bed, but that writing off his kids was a whole other story.

"As far as I was concerned, I was ok that the relationship ended…but the family breaking up is something painful," Shar tells Dr. Ablow. "And honestly I didn’t let it happen. Now in the beginning it was rough, because he was overseas, so I really didn’t have much control over there. But when he came back home, I told him ‘Kevin, I’m not going to let you be a convenient father, when it’s convenient for you. If you are going to be part of these kids’ lives, then you’re going to be a part. If not, then you’re not.’"

Shar also maintains that she considers Kevin’s current wife, Britney Spears, a member of her children’s "extended family," but that she has yet to meet Kevin’s kids with her. Could be Toxic, you know.

Very marry.

Defying the recent rash of breakups that have resulted from matches-made-on-television, People Magazine is reporting that Matt Hoover and Suzy Preston were married earlier this week. Matt and Suzy met last year when both participated on the weight loss reality show, The Biggest Loser. Together, they lost a combined 252 pounds and found true love (collective “awwhhh”).

The ceremony, which took place in Jamaica, was attended only by immediate family. Suzy donned what People described as a “white beach wedding dress” and the groom wore linen pants and a button down shirt. At their reception, the couple continued their Loser ways by serving homemade cupcakes instead of the traditional, grandiose wedding cake. Looks like we know what they did that day to make them feel proud.

Notting Hill for a spill.

MSNBC’s Scoop column (http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14626187/) has revealed that Lindsay Lohan is considering making a move. The actress, who recently put her Hollywood condo on the market, is reportedly shopping for new digs in England’s popular Notting Hill.

"I just love Notting Hill — it has some really cool shops and great restaurants," Lindsay said in a story that ran in this weekend’s London’s Mail. "I’ve been looking at some properties while I’ve been over here and we’re hoping to buy something soon. I can see me and Harry [Morton, her boyfriend] really fitting in there." Which sounds like a nice move for the Mean Girl, given Lindsay’s luck back in the states over the last few weeks has been anything but good. She and her mom Dina had a public blowout at a popular New York restaurant, a few days after which Lindsay slipped and fractured her wrist. Sounds like London may actually be a better place for her to Hyde out than her usual haunts…

Aaron espoused.

The House of Carters will soon need to make room for one more member. Aaron, the 18-year-old brother of Backstreet Boy Nick, is engaged. Us Weekly Magazine reports that Aaron proposed to 22-year-old girlfriend Kari Ann Peniche in Las Vegas over the weekend. The couple is planning to tie the knot in the next six months.

Aaron, aside from being Nick’s brother, is probably most recognized for being the boy that came between Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff back in their Disney days. Others may (and I stress "may") also remember him for sugary-pop tunes including Aaron’s Party (Come Get It) and I Want Candy. His fiancée Kari Ann, on the other hand, is known for holding the pristine title of Miss United States Teen 2003 until she posed for Playboy and was forced to relinquish it. Come Get It indeed.

He's your Boogie man.

Brrrinnng, brrrinnng, Big Brother: All Stars fans – Mike “Boogie” Malin is calling those of you in the Los Angeles area with an invitation to celebrate. Boogie has posted the following message on his official web site (http://www.mikeboogiemalin.com/):

A message to my fans:

Hi, this is Mike "Boogie" Malin. Thanks for visiting my official website. Thanks for watching the show all summer. I will be having a big party at Les Deux on Monday, September 18 2006. I love my fans and want you to send me an email and come and celebrate with me. If you cannot make the party, come visit me at one of my restaurants or night clubs when you are in Los Angeles, Atlanta, or Reno.

Thanks again for the best summer ever!

Mike "Boogie" Malin

No word on whether played showmance/ho-mance gal pal, and runner up, Erika Landin, will make an appearance, but it’s more than likely the evil Dr. Will Kirby will drop by. Les Deux does mean “the two,” after all.

Bag ladies.

With September 23rd just around the corner, you only have a few days left to pick a purse from Seventeen Magazine’s "Hot Bags, Cool Cause" auction being held in conjunction with eBay (http://members.ebay.com/ws2/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=seventeen_magazine). The magazine is selling off previously used handbags that were donated by well-recognized celebrities including Jessica Biel, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Cavallari, Reese Witherspoon and Amy Smart, as well as others that are lesser-known (or cared about) like Bonnie Hunt, Haylie Duff and Britney’s mom, Lynne Spears. Proceeds from the bidding on the bags, all of which start at $100, will benefit the American Breast Cancer Foundation, the American Cancer Society and the Susan G. Komen Foundation. Winners will also receive a letter from celebrity who donated the bag. Just what you need in a clutch.

All I need is one shot.

Making the Band graduates Danity Kane sing about doing things that the girls don’t do, but likely were not (intentionally) referring to the tawdry tales some who claim to be close to the band are telling. A story on MediaTakeOut.com (http://www.mediatakeout.com/Exclusives/Danity_Triangle.html) suggests that two of Danity Kane’s members—Dawn and Aubrey—are tangled with in a triangle with ultimate Bad Boy, and boss, Sean "Diddy" Combs. And according to some, the Showstoppers themselves may be closer to disbanding than ever anticipated.

"Dawn and [Diddy] have been spending a lot of time together recently - and its supposedly work related," a source told MediaTakeOut. "Aubrey has been [Diddy's] favorite, so she's upset about Dawn getting the extra attention."

Apparently so. A confrontation allegedly initiated by Aubrey at a band rehearsal quickly escalated and turned nasty.

"I heard the girls yelling at each other, and Aubrey called Dawn a slut," MediaTakeOut’s source divulged. "Then all hell broke loose and there was a big commotion ... I'm not sure what happened but I was frightened." Probably just showstoppin’, sho-sho-stoppin’.

Caught up.

Corey Clark, the American Idol season two contestant remembered for his unproven, inappropriate relationship with judge Paula Adbul much more than for his vocal abilities, got some unwanted attention when he was arrested over the summer in Yuma, Arizona. According to www.tmz.com, Corey was caught trespassing at the home of his father-in-law, as well as violating a previously issued court order, the consolation prize he received for his role in a prior domestic violence episode. Corey spent 24 hours locked up in a Yuma County jail before bond was posted and he was allowed to leave.

"Mr. Clark was charged with two misdemeanors, one for criminal trespassing and the other for violating a court order. Mr. Clark missed his court hearing and a warrant for his arrest could be coming," Captain Eben Bratcher of the Yuma Sheriff’s department told TMZ when asked about Corey’s case. And hopefully before he attempts a return to the studio to record another album.

Kiss off.

After being left out of season three of Laguna Beach and uninvited to The Hills, "new girl" Casey Reinhardt has found another way to extend her fifteen minutes of fame – by opening her own store page on her official website. Visit www.caseyreinhardt.com/store to purchase your Laguna Beach inspired lip gloss, available only through Casey’s site. Choose from such shades as Enchanting, Divine, Lovely and Captivating, for what Casey describes as, like, "totally glam looking lips." Each gloss will set you back $16.00, plus $5.00 for shipping. And while I’m definitely tempted, given’s Casey’s promise that her glosses will leave my lips "looking soft and luscious," I’m holding out for the next release, which will hopefully include the more-appropriately named Trashy, Jealous and Bitter shades. Dunzo.

Rudy blows.

According to Bossip (http://www.bossip.com/2006/09/exclusive-rudy-from-cosby-show-on.html), Keisha Knight Pulliam, the actress who played Rudy Huxtable on The Cosby Show, reportedly has a cocaine addiction dating back to her days as a student at Spelman College. Sources told Bossip that as a freshman, Keisha was "round and plumpy," and used the drug not only for its feel-good effects, but to help her lose weight (too many Jello Pudding Pops, perhaps?).

"Cocaine was the drug of choice to lose weight for the elite group of girls at Spelman," another of Bossip’s handy sources told them regarding the popularity of the drug.

And Keisha’s alleged cocaine habit, by some accounts, didn’t stop there. Others who claimed to be knowledgeable about her post-Cosby activities say that the actress was actually part of a clique of Morehouse and Spelman students whose experimentation with the drug has continued past her college years.

"Keisha still does coke and it is widely known by her friends, it’s not a secret," says yet another unnamed source who claims to have the inside scoop on Keisha’s habits since graduation. It’s A Different World, that’s for sure.

Shar-pping.

Hot on the heels of her poorly-received birthday party plea come reports that Shar Jackson found at least one buddy to bond with while hanging out in Las Vegas – Michael Federline, proud papa of Kevin, the father of two of Shar’s children. The Las Vegas Review Journal (http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Sep-11-Mon-2006/news/9560733.html) reports that the unlikely pair was recently spotted shopping at OPM in the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace. Grandfather Federline, and his hard-to-miss mullet ‘do, was also seen rapping along to 50 Cent's new track, Ghetto Superstar, at OPM’s Orchid Room VIP stage. How appropriate.

Clockin’ in.

A female Flavor Flav?

VH1 is mum on identifying specifically who she is, but is developing a new series around her. Variety, via today's New York Post, is reporting that the cable network is working on a spin-off of the popular Flavor of Love reality show that will follow the format of ABC's The Bachelorette. Flavor of Love is one of VH1's most popular programs (over the wacky exploits of The Hogan Family? Surely you jest!), but is in need of a successor, as this season will most likely be the last. Flav himself, though, will be sticking around.

"We are developing new show ideas with him," executive producer Cris Abrego, Flavor's executive producer, said. "We think it's time for him to do something new. He's funny and a likeable character." Yeah, booooyyyyyeeee.

The two still tango.

Poor Shanna Moakler. The soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Travis Barker, who’s working harder on keeping her impending divorce in the press than she is on her skill set for Dancing with the Stars, is telling People Magazine she feels "betrayed" by recent reports of Travis’ playboy behavior, most notably with Paris Hilton. Travis and Paris were seen getting cozy in front of clubgoers on a recent night out at Butter in New York.

"When I first heard of the situation, I felt betrayed, but in order to maintain a positive atmosphere for my children I've decided that not to exacerbate the situation by commenting on each new aspect of Travis Barker's personal life," Shanna told the magazine.

Which clearly, in Shanna’s mind, is unrelated to the couple’s divorce, something she made sure to mention several times during last night’s Stars premiere before being panned by the judges for her inability to sustain her performance through the entire song. So much for being a good actress.

Presence not accounted for.

Shar Jackson, still fooling herself into thinking she’s remotely newsworthy due to her six (okay, two) degrees of separation from Britney Spears, thought that her connection to the pop star might be enough to talk A, B, C or D listers into attending her recent 30th birthday bash at Las Vegas’ Body English. Page Six of the New York Post reports that an e-mail from Roxanne Romero, Shar’s publicist, was sent to various agents and managers in the Los Angeles area, requesting they "submit your talent to attend this fantastic event to honor Shar Jackson’s birthday." Guess it’s hard to find people who are Sharstruck…

Pay off.

Seems that Jessica Simpson was dealt at least one winning hand in the division of the property amassed over the course of her marriage to Nick Lachey. According to the Las Vegas Review Journal (http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Sep-10-Sun-2006/news/9565666.html), Jessica will keep the 1,200 square foot condominium the couple purchased at Palms Place in Las Vegas, scheduled to open in 2008. Nick, in return, will receive freedom from any further attachments to the Simpson family, as well as a fairly large financial settlement, although reportedly less than what he was entitled to under California law. At least he knew when to fold ‘em.

Erik-Michael unearthed!

Finally! What O Town fans (those who are left, anyway) have been waiting for – a myspace page for Erik-Michael Estrada (http://www.myspace.com/erikmichaelmusic). And although he has nothing (really) to say, other than to thank those who have searched long and hard for evidence of his existence (especially after those teasing appearances on Ashley Parker Angel’s There and Back), he assures visitors that he’s recommitted to himself and to his music. Let’s hope that this commitment is a bit stronger than it was back on the Making the Band days, where he could barely be bothered to practice, a habit (or lack thereof) that perhaps helped get E-M to where he is today. Baby, my love, it's all for you.

A lesson for Spelling.

Just as Ray Pruit emerged from the shadows years after ending his relationship Donna Martin on Beverly Hills, 90210, so has the ex of Tori Spelling herself. The SF Gate Daily Dish (http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/indexd?blogid=7) says that Charlie Shanian, Tori’s first husband, will appear as a guest on The Dr. Keith Albow Show, a new one-hour, self-help, live daily talk show premiering in national syndication next week. Charlie’s appearance on the program will mark the first time he’s spoken publicly about his marriage and subsequent divorce. Is this how you really talk to an angel?

Margaritaville.

Stars may be blind, but the LAPD are not.

Early Thursday morning, officers arrested Paris Hilton after she was spotted driving erratically in Hollywood, www.tmz.com reports. The heiress, who was toting passenger Kimberley Stewart, was given a field sobriety test after officers on the scene determined she was showing signs of intoxication (why else would she willingly hang out with Kimberley, after all?). When Paris blew a blood alcohol level of .08, the minimum for a DUI charge in the state of California, she was placed under arrest and booked. Paris was released a short time later, but not before sister Nicky, Nicky’s boyfriend Kevin Connolly and her own publicist Elliot Mintz, who claimed Paris only had one drink – a margarita earlier in the evening amidst appearances at a charity event, a party feted by Us Weekly magazine and at an unspecified nightclub -were summoned to the police station. Must have been one hell of a margarita.

When stalked by TMZ upon her release, Paris said, regarding the incident, that she “regrets it occurred” (I bet). She also reminded TMZ, who had actually been shooting footage of Paris earlier in the day, that she had been awake for the last 24 hours, working on a new music video, the schedule for which was so demanding that she was unable to eat or relax all day. The Simple Life indeed.

But first...

As the finale of Big Brother: All Stars draws near, show some love to the residents of Chill Town, the recently-evicted evil Dr. Will and his fairly useless, unfortunately-nicknamed cohort in crime, Mike (Booger) Boogie. Visit CaféPress (http://www.cafepress.com/willkirby) to see a selection of merchandise handpicked, and modeled all season long, by the dynamic duo, with slogans including "Let’s have a showmance," "Trust me, I’m a doctor" and, of course, the official "Chill Town" membership jersey. For a mere $16.99, even your dog can show it’s support for what’s left of this powerful alliance. And if Will and Boogie aren’t your all-stars, search the entire Big Brother: All Stars section of CaféPress (http://www.cafepress.com/buy/big%20brother%20all%20stars/-/cfpt2_:/copt_/cfpt_/source_squidoo/x_0/y_0) to purchase your "Howie Loves Boobies," "What up Kaysar?" or "I’m a Floater" designs. You reap what you sew.

Name blame.

The New York Daily News claims that Britney Spears has picked out a unique name for her new baby, rumored to be a girl: Jailynn. The stripper sounding-like moniker is a combination (literally) of the names of Britney’s parents, Jamie and Lynn, who will now have the honor of having not one, but two children named after them, as they bestowed Britney’s little sister with the name Jamie Lynn 15 years ago. Star Magazine says that little Jailynn, despite reports to the contrary, will arrive via a scheduled Caesarian section on brother Sean Preston’s September 14th birthday, undoubtedly in an attempt to make it even easier for father Kevin Federline to keep track of when at least two of his children were born. I suppose it’s better than Lymie.

No deal for Biel.

Looks like another filly has bolted from the troubled ranch that is Southfork. The National Enquirer reports that Jessica Biel, who was loosely attached to the role of Pamela Ewing in the big-screen remake of Dallas, is no longer affiliated with the production.

"At first, producers were keen to cast Jessica to play opposite Luke Wilson as J.R.'s younger brother Bobby," a source divulged to the tabloid.

But representatives for the 7th Heaven actress, according to the Enquirer, say that Jessica turned the part down, despite conflicting reports that claim Dallas producers were the ones who did the deed.

"They decided to screen-test some unknowns for the part," an insider revealed, refuting Jessica’s version of how she managed to extricate herself from this Texas tragedy. Isn’t she the Illusionist.

I want U 2 know I do it all 4 love.

People Magazine is reporting that Tamyra Gray, the season one American Idol contestant who inexplicably was booted from the show instead of Nikki McKibbin, got married this past Saturday to Sam Watters, himself remembered (or not) as a member of ‘90s pseudo-R&B group Color Me Badd. The ceremony took place in Capri, Italy in front of 45 guests.

"They walked through the city and townspeople were opening their windows and cheering for them," Lisa Braudé, the manager steering what’s left of Tamyra’s career post-Idol said, describing the pair’s jaunt through town at the completion of their ceremony. Where was that support when Tamyra needed it, back in 2002?

Tamyra and Sam dated for two years before becoming engaged on Valentine’s Day. Most recently, Tamyra has appeared on the television series Las Vegas, convincingly as a waitress. Sam, on the other hand, has been working behind the scenes, as a music writer and producer, willingly taking credit (or blame) for Jessica Simpson’s new single, A Public Affair. Tick, tock, ‘ya don’t stop.

Inked.

A story on Starpulse (http://www.starpulse.com/) claims that Kevin Federline recently spent eight hours getting a new tattoo drawn on his back. Yes, eight hours. The same eight hours that most people spend earning money five days a week instead of spending it on new body art. The tattoo, a Polynesian tribal belt design, supposedly represents the beginning of life and features an image of a fetus at the center.

"It's got the suns and the ocean and then the stars on my shoulders. It follows my wife-beater (vest) line. You can't see it when I'm wearing a wife-beater... It was pretty #$%@ing painful," K-Fed said about his new art. Not nearly as much as listening to his performance at this year’s Teen Choice Awards.

Rose woes.

Still not convinced to throw in the towel after a sorry record of one for twelve, ABC is on the hunt for a new Bachelor or Bachelorette. According to a notice on Fox Reality’s web site (http://www.foxreality.com/detail.php?storyid=4475&type=casting), producers are seeking a men and/or women who "are ambitious, charming and successful and who are looking to settle down." It also wouldn’t hurt if they are employed as an "accomplished CEO, doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur or businessman or woman." Right. Good to know ABC has got totally reasonable, really realistic requirements for this task because, as every single person will tell you, people like that are soooo easy to find. How on earth did Trista ever manage to make it through this rigorous casting requirement?