Truly, Madly, Deeply Abhor-y.

With a title worthy of its own Lifetime movie, Mary Jo Eustace, soon-to-be-ex-wife of Dean McDermott, is shopping around a true-life tale she’s calling My Husband Left Me for Tori Spelling. In light of the very public bliss that Dean and Tori have been sharing in the spotlight, the seemingly-bitter, almost-divorcee has decided it’s time for the public to hear her side of the story, says Page Six of the New York Post. It goes something like this:

Beginning: Dean and Mary Jo, married for 12 years and parents of a son, adopt a baby girl named Lola.

Middle: Dean leaves the home he shares with his family to co-star with Tori in the Lifetime made-for-television movie Mind Over Murder.

End: Dean returns home when filming is complete, announces he’s slept with the alter-ego of Donna Martin and tells his wife he is leaving her to be with his new squeeze.

"We're soul mates. She loves me unconditionally . . . I don't love you any more. And I don't respect you. I haven't for a very long time," Dean told Mary Jo, according to her recollection of events, in the "end" stage.

While there have been no takers on the tawdry tale yet, news of its existence has reached Dean and Tori, who are, needless to say, a bit disturbed about Mary Jo’s own proposal.

"This is the first we've heard of [the book proposal]. It's opportunistic and undignified that she would want to exploit her former marriage for monetary gain. We only wish her the very best," the new couple said in a joint statement. So ab-HOR-ious!